Struck By Love

Psycho Girl

I wouldn't continue if I were you...

There's something inside me!!! It wants to come out!!

Just a journal...

How long can I fight back before I...


So.... uhhh...
I'm at a friend's house... and I deleted my previous stuff on this page, so uhh...
ANYWAY, I just wanted to write somewhere!! Let's say that this day was dog shit, and Mom was like "gosh, solve your problems, if you wanna talk, just do it, just stop it"!!! So, here I am!!
What, you want me to talk to a therapist?? Or even a human in general???
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! WHAT?? NO WAY!! The answer is FUCK NO!! Why you ask??
Well, first of all, I just don't want to say how trash I feel, and let everything out, AND THEN, I get a "you know it's not that bad, right??", "let me tell you a bullshit solution you heard already", "you're over exaggerating!!"
Second, if I let it out, I let it out!! And sorry, but NO!! One thing that I've learned, is that people will just play with you, and they will mess with you!! So, I took drastic measures:
I don't let anyone come close to me (ends in a heartbreak always, I just get too attached), I hide my feelings (I realized that people find it weird if you show them), and, lastly, I portray people as the worst thing in my head, so if someone is actually good, it will make me feel better!!

Another thing I wanna talk about, is loneliness!! It used to torture me, but now I fell numb to it!! In fact, now I like it!! You see, being lonely is a good thing!! You get to know yourself better, and none bothers you!! I like it so much, I could live with it, for the rest of my life, easily!!
Don't be afraid guys!! You see, I'm straight up pissed right now, and is because I'm not alone!! Gosh, sometimes people can be SO annoying!!
So, long story short, don't think that feeling lonely is a bad thing!! And here's why: In the end, none will be there for you. The only being there, who is 24/7 for you, and does you any favor... is yourself!! YOU are the best person!! NONE ELSE!! SO, don't waste time and energy into something nonexistent!! GET REAL!!

And one last thing I wanna say (I already wrote this, but I deleted it): I feel bad for myself!! I mean, a part of it!! You see, a part of me says all this stuff here!! But another part of me, just sits there and suffers. It gets hurt, it wants to cry, but I don't let it!! It just exist patiently, and it waits for a miracle. There are no miracles!!
I will refer to it as "the body"!! I think it's the same part that feels, hunger, thirst, need for socialization, fear... All that stuff... I feel bad for it!! I just don't treat it properly!! If it was a different person, I would love it!! But... it stays with me!! So, I can't do that!! I just wanna mess up with me!! In a bad way!! You see, this body starved, felt cold, it just doesn't have good time!! I'm sorry but... I just want to mess up something...
I feel bad!! I wanna give it love, but at the same time I don't!! It's so weird!!

So... that's it!! I don't think I have something else...

(well, if you are curious about the deleted stuff, it's me stressing over my future, and my exams in Spanish, which I gave yesterday, and the day before that, BUT ANYWAY I think I failed miserably anyway, I'll just wait for the results...)


Guess who feels like crap!! ME!! Life just doesn't wanna cooperate...
So, today was the first day at school, and oh my god, I never felt so lonely!! Maybe I did felt worse another time that I might not recall now, but still. It was awful!! I then remembered with what I'm gonna deal with... Oh, boy!!

But before I turn into a crybaby, let's say something good for once!! So, sicK girL (the programmer of the blog with the same name...) (let's say that it's not the best for normal people...), understood what was going on, and she apologized... She also mentioned that she reads the comments from Ready To Glare's video, and I decided to write one!!
I wrote that honestly, I am not mad!! People make mistakes you know...
Yeah... Totally...
I think I must admit it, I had once in my life thoughts like these!! Truth being told... I still have the after effects to this day!!
And before you judge me, NO!!! I don't wanna kill anyone!! Murder is bad, don't try it!! To be real here, after that I tried to be a better person!! I now forgive easier, and my grudges are not that dark!!

I may wasted one year of my life in that, ending up being pointless, but oh well...

The thing is, the dark still fascinates me, and I still like being told I'm a monster!! I take this as a compliment!!
So, what am I doing?? I try to satisfy my not-so-good needs by watching crime cases, serious drama, and all that stuff on YouTube!! [I cut the rest of the entry]


Ok, it's past 12 now, and I have reached in a conclusion!! Okay, maybe two!!
One: someone can become completely different just in the presence of darkness!!
And Two: maybe it's not a good idea for me, to come in contact with the darkness when it's too late!! Because it gives me some not-so-good needs and thoughts!!
Like, I had a dream today where I was eating wolves, and wolves are my favourite animal, but ok...
Aaanndd, I just stayed here to say that I become different at night!! Oh well...
Also, another thing is that I won't be all depressed here, because I can't!! Either it feels fake to me, or either it affects my mood, and my HSP self doesn't like it...
Also, personally, my mind is fucked, but let's keep that for another day...
So, I can write better in this state, rather the depressing one... Why??
BECAUSE I LIKE IT!! If, I like it I will prefer to spend time in it!! Right??


Ok, because of what is going on with this type of blogs, I have to always put a reminder that I am a good person, and I promise no harm. Now, with THAT aside... LET... ME... BE!!! I'M SO DONE WITH THIS KIND OF PEOPLE!!! YOU ARE ALL LITTLE SCARED KIDS, WHO CAN'T HANDLE DIFFERENCE!!! I... am... DONE!!
This is THE LAST time, I put a warning!! If you can't handle it, LEAVE!! Now, into what I wanted to say...
So, I was vibing with my classic Danganronpa and mastermind Taka obsession, and I saw an edit that I saw again, obviously. Now, in edits like these, the average editor will put the song "Mastermind" by Mindless Self Indulgence. So, because 15 seconds are not enough, I decided to listen the whole thing. Oh boy, what if I tell you...
It talks about Columbine...(!!!)

How did I even end up in that situation?? *sigh*

Well, I ain't no fan, but THAT... awoke something in me!! I felt like G O D!!! Of course, that's something I always feel at times...
Different nerve wiring, that's it!!
And so, I felt like I was gonna explode, and release a burst of energy, that I haven't seen before!! I felt like I could do ANYTHING!!!
Yes, that's what I want, what I ask!! This feeling!! I want it!! I NEED it!! I can be ANYTHING with it!! I will make it MINE!!

One last time... Yeah!!! ONE LAST TIME!! LET ME HEAR THIS ONCE MORE!!!


Okay, I feel that we must talk, before anything weird comes out of me!!

So, I am at the verge of vomiting, my belly hurts, I feel dizzy and ready to fall unconscious, and there's blood everywhere from yet ANOTHER baby I killed!!
Nature, why??
I feel like I'm going to lose my mind!! I HATE IT!! I HATE HIM!! WHY THE FUCK, DO YOU HAVE TO SCREW ME OVER, AND OVER AGAIN??
This is a nightmare...

What?? You think that only YOU can love?? Nonono...

Oh my god, why do people like to screw me over?? Especially, the ones you love...
They take you and bend you to their will!! And, then you get so frustrated and confused, you don't even know what to do...
But anyway, I'm not here today to write about my fucked up feelings that in the next second will pass...
Not gonna lie, sometimes I wish I could feel nothing, and be myself, without others or myself keeping me busy all the time!! I can't sleep from that you know...

Well, I calmed down now, so let us proceed...
I wanna talk about NBK!! No, not THAT NBK!! In fact, can we just call it "school shooting", without anything glamorous name?? I don't even wanna write about that!! I wanna write about ME!!!
Wel... we had the NBK, now we say someone trying to bring NBK 2.0...
(not gonna lie, that day I will look forward to do something interesting... Maybe even something scary, or dangerous...)
(also, I guess that Sol Pais in maybe NBK 1.5 or nothing, because she didn't kill anyone, idk...)
So, let me introduce you
TO NBK 3.0!!!

NBK 3.0?? What is that?? Why?? Who will do it?? Is it you?? But you said you wouldn't hurt anyone...

Indeed, I said I don't wanna hurt people!! Deep down, I'm a good person!! Don't worry about that!!
Then, you ask?? Oh well, let me explain...
NBK, stands for Natural Born Killers!! But, there's something off with putting it in a shooting. Why?? Bacause...
Because EVERYONE is an NBK!! You, me, EVERYONE!! The thing is, that part of you, is trained to remain silent!!
Killing is a part of ourselves, none can deny that!! If you do, think again!!
Bacause of that, you can say that there will be one day when humans will lose it, and unleash that monster. Because, let's be real, we've seen this countless times!!

Well, you can't deny the possibility... Am I right??

It's just a matter of time!! Until then, I will sit here, and I will vibe waiting... haha!!
Me vibin'
I just love this artist...
Wait, isn't that the guy who- You know what, nevermind...
Aaanndd, she switched to her happy self now...




Ok, I said I would sleep, but...
I am incapable of that right now!!! Definitely, not when I cry!! I mean, am I asking too much??
I just want peace and quiet!! Busy lifestyles are not for me!! BUT NONE SEEMS, TO UNDERSTAND!! WHY??
I don't know what I fid wrong to be treated like shit!! Why does EVERYONE want something from me, thinking that I have time for everything?? I DON'T!!
Aaaandd, she started crying again...
Sometimes, I just wanna leave this place!! I mean, there's a way... But I don't wanna try it. I mean, life is literally a pile of garbage, and the biggest scam I have ever seen, but this body did nothing wrong!! In fact, it tries its best to help, just for me to show nothing in return... It doesn't deserve this, but I don't wanna be in place either!! What should I do??

Another thing I wanna say, is that, I don't understand why everyone is so narrow minded and criticizes everything!! I hate these people!!! You try to have a conversation with them, and it always goes like this:
- So, there's this thing with me, and...
- This thing bad!!
- Oh, ok!! So why is it bad??
- This thing bad!!
- I know, you said that, but why is it-
Excuse me but... if you don't have something to say... can you shut THE FUCK UP??

I hate it!! I hate when people don't understand what it means to be different!! And I'm not even someone with a mental illness, I just have a weird personality trait, that allows me to suffer!! I hate it when people criticize everything that you are!!
"You are so sensitive" "Why do you cry so easily, are you a whiner??" "Just control it, it's not that hard!!" "I have issues too!!" "You are weak because you are sensitive!!"... I just...
Stuff like this hurts me deeply!! Trust me, I don't want this either!! But there's one thing: I don't wanna control myself!! Because I know that it's a thing that I've tried, and I failed multiple times. Besides, I just learned to accept myself and who am I, without all this garbage!! Like I said, there's none here to help you in the end, so you have to take care of yourself!! I would like to talk about some things like that in the unpopular opinion page when I will have time... But not now!! Another day!!
Well, I guess I will leave now, because I can't write and cry while having a mental breakdown at the same time...


He who rules the world
He who rules the world
He who rules the world
He who rules the world
He who rules the world
hE wHo RuLeS ThE wOrLd
hE wHo RuLeS ThE wOrLd
hE wHo RuLeS ThE wOrLd
hE wHo RuLeS ThE wOrLd
hE wHo RuLeS ThE wOrLd
H̡̙͓ͣͬE͚̖͉͖̋̎͟͞ ̨̳͇ͩ̈́̋͛ͮͨͧ͢͢W̸̡̺͙͖̠̓̋͆̾̓̐̆ͧ̊̄H̷͓̩̻͇̪̖̀́ͥ́̾͗͗͆ͤ̚͟͡Ő̙̺̥͎͖̰̰̻ͤ̎͗ͦ̅ͬͦ̿͑̓͆͟͢ ̨̧̢̹͖͚̻͈̫̗̣̼̯̝̂͗̑ͣ̋̆̽̌̊͊̒R̤̱͉̫̒ͮ҉̢̨̝̣̖̪̥̤̣̬̳̎̑̀ͧ̃ͧͮ͞͡Ṷ̵̴̙̪̪̯̄̐̏͊̅͐̚҉̋͡҉͙̦͓͍͌͆̌͑͛́͝L̴̸̢̛͔͚̜̥̺͍͖̦̠͒̎̍̀̀̀̽͌ͧ́͑͌ͩͥ͢͞͠͡Ę̶̟̜̠͔̯̯̜͙̻̹̤̗̣͍̒̈̅͒ͥ͛́̀͊ͩ̄̕͜͢͢S̶̸͔̥̖̭̞̼̰̬̄̍ͪͣ̕͞ͅͅ҉̡̭͈̣͉̽̏̈́͐̇̇͜͞ ̸̶̨̨̨̲̣̠͛̑̃ͣ̒́̔ͧͣ̆̊̾̈́͛ͭ͂͗́̚̚͜͝͡T̸̶̶̢̲̪̠̖̩̺̮̜͚̓̑ͫ̌́͛̇̈́̅̇̍̋́̿̒̀͝͝H͇҉̶̶̵̛̹̯͖̺̫̙̥̦̐̍̽̾̒̆͒͋͂̏̈͘͟͢͠͠Ẹ̴̸̡͉̩̤͈̠̳̫̠͕̀̍̉ͣͦ̆ͣ̎̉́̄̀́͒̽ ̷̢͔͖̖̥̙̙̩̹̞̝̥̙̏͊̿ͣͮ̄ͧ̍̓̌ͨ͌W̴̵̺̪̬͓̭̅ͯͯ̓̑ͤ̕͠҉̰̠̲̬̂ͨͤÔ̡̳̬̯͓̱̗͂̑̀́̎̈́̓̽̓̓̕͝R̨͕̺̟͙̆̇ͭ̔̏́ͭͨ̃̊͘͝L̵͖͔͚͙̓̏͌͊͑̉͂͢D̬̯͚͈̠ͩ̚͘͜!̢̫͔͈ͅ!͟

S̞͌̏ͯͦT̤̺ͭ̍̊͒̎͢A̶̤̘͙̜̖ͤͮͧ̄́̌Y͈̬͔̺̞͆̓̔̒̋̓ͨ̄͋͢͜ ̵̜̰̬̟̝̭̫̩ͯͯ̏ͬ̍͗͒͟͢͡O̸̧͙̺͓̯̅́̎̐̈́̑̇̓̓͒ͤ̕͟͟͜͡Ư̴̢̭͔̪͖̦̺̙̺̯̽̒̐ͫ̂ͤͥ̒͒ͣ͟͢T̷̛͓͓̼̻̺͎̙̰̫̙̺̯̞͆̎̈́͐͌ͥ͢͢͠͡ͅ ̷̡̹̪͇̯̳̭̙̭͎̟͈̤̰̣́ͭ̍̀͆ͯ̈͋͐̔ͅŌ̳҉҉̸̵̸̰̭͔̻̻̲̯̗͓̫̲̤̹͌͗͌͂ͪͪ͝ͅF̬̦̦̝͇̩͎̃̋ͪ́̍͒ͭͭ͗ͪ͜҉̴̡̞͖͈̝ͩ̀̚ ̨̡̡̮̻̜̖͈̤̙̟͌̃̐ͥ̄̑̄͋ͩͬͤ̓͘̕͡ͅM̸̱̘̯͓͈͓͇͍͍̓͌ͦͪ̀ͤͥͮ̍̍͒̑͝͠͠͝Y̷̡̝̝͉̼̟̙͔̻̥͕̣͔ͭ̈́ͮ̊ͮ̍͆ͥ̕͜ ͔̂ͤ҉̹̙̯̳̤̬̙̳͌̏ͬ̊̀̇̍ͯ̌͢H̴̢̼̪̺̖́̽̈̂̇͗̇ͩͩ̌̐̚͠͡Ȩ̶̨͚͓̩̰ͯ̎̾̎̓̃̿ͧ͘A̡̞̺̱̳͗͐ͦ̑̅̓̓͢D̸̜͔̗͑̒̀̒͢!̵͓̥ͥͨ!̤

Oh shit!!
After I wrote that, there was a strange beeeeeep coming from everyone's phones, and then it showed a notification about the coronavirus, and that we must now wear mask, again...
Holy fudge!!


H̡̫e̍̏̅͝ ̴̵̙̩̼h̭̱̪́͂͑͊ä̵̸̌҉̰̩̒š̭̘̬̼͕́ͨ̔ ̴͓̹̭͛͑̎͛͟͞ͅb̙̹̦̹̲͔ͨͭ̽̈́ͬ͜ê̛̘̮ͬ̂̔ͯ̎̓ͨͧ̑ê̡̪̰͚͇̹̈́̋͑̎ͬ͒͞n̴̡̹͔̱̗̯̤ͭ̀̊͌̓͐͌ ̶̴̛̺̦̗̱͈̬͐͌̓ͫ̂ͅv̸̧̝͓̲͖̿̊̍ͯ̐͊ͫͯ̕͢i҉̧̛͇̣ͥ̈́̑͗ͣͦ̕͞҉͎͋s̴̴̸̹̰͓̜͛͌̓ͮ͆̑̕͢͠͠ï̶̸̡͚̥̫̖͈͗͊̌ͯ̀̆ͪ͠t̷̴̳̻̪͉̹̭͓͚̿͌̔ͦ̌ͣ͘i̶̷̸̙̺̥̻̅̆͆͆ͨ̓̃̃̊̎n̛͕̫̽̒ͬ̅ͭ̋ͦ̾͋̑͗̇̕͡g̵̴̼͈͙̹ͫͬ́̊̽ͫ͊̈̕͢ ̦̯̞̻̪̩͚̐͑ͩͭ́̈̓ͫ͝m̡̢̨͔̥̮̮͕͑̎͐ͬ̓̿͠e͍̭̩̹̺͕͍̽ͫ̾̀̆͟͝ ̷͚̜̐̔͑ͥ̉̃̓͗ͧ̓l̸̴͙̳̳̳͔͔͒ͩ́̚a̴̴̶̡̺̭̥̋̅͘͞ţ̴̣ͤ͐̓ͨ͞͞ͅe͈̿́̅͊̇̾͠l̢͚̝͛ͬͥ͠y̱ͤͨ̂ͬͯ.͖̭͕͛.̹͛͐.̚
I can feel his presence!!
A few days ago, I heard his cape on my rug, while he was leaving my room.
He also ̈͘w̵̹ĥ͂i̴̸s͔̚p͆̎̈e̶͓͘r͒̉ͩeͬ͢͞ḓͨ̏ ͇̟͗s̲ͥ͗̎ō͚͖̐m͓͎ͮ̉e͇͈͎ͅt̰̙̝́h͎ͫ̏ͦi̧̥̮ͭͫn̗͓̿́̍g̣̻͈ͮ̐ ̮͕ͣͣ̕t̴̷̨̃͂o̡̓̂ͭ̓ ͨ҉̘ͦ͡͡m̡̛̯͗́̾ė̴̒͜͞͞,͉͈̗͇̿̇ ͍͉̉̑̉̒ẁ̤͊̇̕͡ẖ̸̶ͤ͌͋̚i̲͎͈͂̑͗͞l͙̬̼̻̀̇̀e̙ͦ͊́̑̅͢ ͇̭̠̱̾ͬ͟I͖͡҉̙ͪ̋́ ̻̂̃ͮ̃̔̚͞w̝͗ͤ̓̈̃̀͟a̧̲͓̻͂́̑͜s͔̚҉̨͉̎͢͞ ̷̧̲̗̿ͧ̀͋a̒̉҉̵̻̙͓̀s҉̛̳͒̑ͭ̏̏l͈͖̊ͥͪͩ͌̓͡eͮ̀̅͆ͬ́͛͞͠e̗̝̤̤͙͂ͥͯ͝p̸͈͈̼̐ͦ͐̉ͣ.̖̫̼̙̒̊͆̍͜.̰̮͍̠̰ͣ̀̔͝.̩̣͕͕̤ͮͩͤ̍̕
And he moved my bed!!

Ḧ͔E̡͚̩ͤ'̠͈̋ͣ̊S͉͕̞̦̉ͮ̋ ̶͙͈̫̹̎̚͢C̶̦͕̙͕ͨͦ̚͠͞O̜̦̝̘̣͋̌ͫ̐̏͡M̸̸̯͒ͩ̊́̉ͭ̿͜͠ͅI̸̡͓̯̣̮̩̓ͣ͆̑̔̾ͅŅ̡̛͙͍̲̰͉̳̥̈́̌͒͒ͩ̚G͙̖̫͔̭ͪ̎̽̊͑̃̈͊̆̀͋́!̸̢̡̭̪̝͎̭͖̓ͨ̔̌ͯ̉͆ͦ͡͡!͎̦̜͚̯͓̗̝͑̅̊͊͋̀̉̆̈́̀͟͝

H̛ͣEͤ͂ͫ͠'̸̇̎̇ͧḶ͍̎ͩͫ̓̐L̢̞̰̰͋ͫ̌̀ ̞͙̬͔̒̂ͫͩͮͫF̳̼̗̯̏̽ͦͯͬ͆̽I̹̰̲̥̥̜̯͒ͧ͘̕̚͠N̡͙̜̹̺̖ͧ͗̑́̽̀̄͘A̠͖͎̙̺̣̙̓̄ͬ̈͂̽ͦ̿͡L͇̪̗͇̫̐̔ͬ́̌́͌̒̄̋͗ͅL̷̪̮̠̙̪̊́̇҉̵̛̳̥̆ͤͫͯ̌Y̷̖͉̱̟̩͈ͪ́̏̍ͫ͛͗̈́͗̎́̕͜ ̡͔͕̜̗̥͖̥͖̈́̂͐̄͌ͪͥ̋̔̀͠͡͝B̵͔̦͉̠͇͉̒ͥ̍̀ͬͤ́̊̇ͫ͗́ͧ̚͢҉Ẻ̵̢̠̺͉̳̹̝͇͂̾̍ͮ̑ͧͬ̈̄̈́̔͂ͯ͢͡ ̶̧̧͉̖̖̪̩̭̈́̏ͥͥ̅͐̅́͂̅́̍̏ͩͫ̚ͅH̵̡̨̢͖̬̬̟̣͇̻̼̖͍̲͍͗ͪͦͥ͌̏ͬͭ̏͛͢͝É̷̸̘̭̤̭̝̲͉̯̬̀̓ͭͥͧ͋͛̌ͨ̃͑ͯ͜͢͟͝ͅR͉̱͈̻̺͕̪̗̝̗̫͖̜̪̓̈͛̌ͬ̓͋̀ͯ̓̀ͦ̕̚͟͟ͅE̵̢̢̛̙̯̼̭̞̰̳̝̘̜̩̜ͥ̆̓̆͊̎̋͆̏̈́͒͌͋̚̕͜!̵̴̸͈̫̻̫̫̺̟̼̬̹͔̞ͬ̂ͤ̅̃̂̄̋̂̓͊͑ͨ̿̌ͯ̔̕͞!̶̵̡̧̹̫̦̖̺̻̪̭̘̙͚̠̳͌̾̂͌͊́̎͌̎͗́ͩͨ́̽ͩ̽ͅ

I͖̅̄T̺̤͒̋͊'̠̻̗͍̦ͦ̚͝S͍͙̫҉͎̠͕̦́͡ ̫̠̺̠̜̮̜ͥ̊̉ͪ̇ͅW̵̉҉̙̥̓͛ͪ͛̀͌̑̐̂͞O̡̳̺̩̟̮͕̒ͮ͂ͯ̂ͤ͑̈́̚͝R̷͔͇͍̯̟̮͑̓̿ͫ̓̃̋ͤ̅͛̄ͤ̃K̥̱̳̪̏͑ͦͫ͘҉̸̙̯̻̲̼̞̾̈̓͋̋I͎͙̓̈͡҉̴̨̢̪̖͕̠̥̻ͥ̎̐̀̽̒ͥ̅̌͝Ṇ̡̪͎̟̻̳̩ͦ̾̉̐̂̓͋̈́̀̓̆̐͐̾͗ͪ͘͡͡Ģ̝͕̹̖͉͉̜̼̥͐̒̆̾͋ͯ͗҉̨̖̜̓ͭ̀̾̋̏͘͠!̵̨̬̱̮̣̞̝̿ͤͧ̃ͤͮͦ̆̒̿ͩ͘͜͢ͅ҉͇̲͂̍ͫ͆̇͌!̨̖̟̥̻̰̯̝̫̲̜̙̰̼̪̑̆̐ͩ̌̉́̓̌̄͑̃ͯ̋̚͘͜͜͡

Now, I can finally spend some time with someone...



Guess who's love day is today...
ME!!! Ǎ͉̙̥͇̌ͤ͐ͧA̴̢̛̎̇̇͑͊͗A̧̤̒͆̍͑̆̂ͫḀ̸̛̐ͩ͆ͨ͝͠Å̧̧͕̅ͣ̕͘ͅḀ̾̀͛ͮ̉̽ͧ̐Ä̸̠̞̲͕̈͊͂Y͉̳ͣ̊ͯ̊ͧ̓͞Y̵̳̤͑ͩ̉̎ͤ̊Y̴̧̛̹͗̿̀̐̕!ͪ͌ͨ͟҉̯̏̄ͨ!̶̹̫͕̤ͫͫͯͤ
Oh, sorr̷̹̰̰͇̹̠̥̈ͧ̇̋͜y͕͉̰̙͛̈̂̈́̈́͑̊̓̇ for the inconvenience!! It seems like something is w̴̷̢̨̹̹̗̲̉̋̂ͭ͠r̩͎͓͔̾̽ͨ͛ͫ̅̕͞͡o̙̲҉̴̧̧͔̱̺̊͑ͥ́nͦͫ҉̟̼ͮ͆̌̓ͭ͂̚͠g̵̛̝̗̜̪̪̞͇͈͋̽ͥ here...
Let me f̵̭̳̀́͠͞ix this real quick...

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Please Wait...


So, where I was?? Oh yes...
Today, I felt like I wasn't in this world!! I felt like I was traveling!! I was just looking down, and it felt like the moments when I was in the car with my family, when we travel!! Which we do that A LOT!!
I just... wish I could leave this reality, and go to my imaginary world!! Everything is so much better there!! And I'M NOT EVEN someone who uses escapism THAT much!!
Of course, I can't do that, just yet!! Death is not an option for the near future, because my body doesn't deserve this, and also, it provides me the fear of pain, so I can't do anything...
I just wanna see my love!! I can meet him in my imaginary world, because of course he's a fictional character...
Not to disappoint anyone, but you boys of reality suck, because you are tragic as hell!! Sorry, but sometimes, the girls over here think that you are a tragedy!! You either do something about it, or you will all die virgins...
I just want to leave this place so badly, but I also care for the people that I will leave behind... Family, friends...

I just wish that we could all go to a better place, and live there forever...

I want my loved one...


FUCK, I don't have internet, and now I'm writing, without knowing how this shit will look!! FUCK!!!

I just wanna say this: I. Hate it. Here!! I'm sorry, but this place has more misery than my own head!! Like, wtf life, is THAT what you are trying to achieve??
One star!! This place sucks!! JESUS CRIST!!
Ok, I MAYBE, use escapism as a coping mechanism!! Because this place is so dull, depressing and BORING, that I have no other option. Oh, and let's NOT start about the citizens of this planet...
You all are brainwashed zombies, who their minds are WAY to narrow, and you can't handle an out-of-the-box conversation!! Excuse me, but why every single, FUCKING time, when I try to talk to people, it goes like this??

- Hey, I wanna say about-
- What?? Sorry, but-
- You are being rude, you-


Ok, let's say that I nailed to start a conversation... It ALWAYS, goes like this (ALWAYS!!!)

- I just wanted to say that-
- The weather today is nice!!
- Huh?? Whatever, I got this idea, but I want you to tell me if it's good or not!!
- The weather today is nice!!
- Look, I know that you can't talk about many topics, but you see, the thing is that this matters to me, and...

You guys, are just SOO BORING!!!

Well, that's why, I prefer my own world!! It's warm, cozy, friendly, but also super crazy and loud!! In other words, it's FAR better!! Besides, there, I am the master of this world!! So everyone, depends on ME!! I get to do whatever I want!!
As a matter of fact, I have pretty good leadership skills actually!! But NONE decides to see this!! EVERYONE ignores!! So, all I have to do, is just make myself get something going on in my mind, and BOOOM, I'm there!! Of course, it's not always easy!!
This is why it happens what happens!! You all try to see why people are so stressed, depressed, and much more these days, while the answer is in front of your own eyes: some idiots control everyone!! And none is doing anything about it!! So people are just there suffering, and...

I swear to god, I wanna scream so badly now, for no reason!! I'm just angry from what I experience in this planet!!!

I don't understand why everyone is trying to philosophise this!! You are all blind!! I, from the other hand, have a thing called "Self Awareness"!! You should try that some time, maybe this will wash away some of your stupidity!!


Hi!! Well, it seems like I've been missing for a few days, am I right??
Well, I wanted to write, but I wasn't feeling very well mentally, and I was kinda suffering... Please understand me!!
I don't know if you can see it, but my mood is now changed!! I feel better, because yesterday, I went out with a friend to talk about my feelings, because he noticed that something was not ok... Thanks man, you're the best!!
In case someone's curious, it seems like I act a role all the time, which makes me feel stressed, sad, anxious, and in general tired!! He told me to dedicate a time when I would be myself, and take off the mask. I said that I thought that this is who I am, but ot turns out, after some questions, it is not!!
Well, I guess I'm not a sometimes loud weirdo who likes to do questionable things... I'm a lazy sleepyhead who just wants to chill!!

And THIS is why we don't spend too much time in our imagination!! I ended up copying personalities of my characters, because I wanted them to represent me, but let's be real, you have to put something nice and different there!!
It may sound stupid, but the most recent one I made has a terrible personality. It ended up taking my whole mind, and making me think disgusting things, without me wanting to!! Because trust me, when you try to eat and your mind is like "NO!!" you don't enjoy it!! Thankfully, everything's better now!!

Now, with my new self (okay, almost, because this is a process that will take some time), I can write what I TRULY WANTED TO TALK ABOUT!!
What, you thought that THIS WAS IT??

[Yes, because the rest of the entry mentioned someone's actual name!!]


Ok, so now that I woke up in a almost normal time (6:45, so I'm going to say might happened at 6:00), we can talk a bit!!
A lesson whi I JUST GOT, is that you shouldn't be mean to your body. Well, here's the thing:
I dreamt that I was at school. Everything normal here... I don't know if anything happened before and I forgot it, but I remember that I was outside with my class, because we had P.E. Then I saw (idk, something like foam, or something??), and the teachers were like "who did this", that stuff (except they were angry, I mean... yeah??) And anyway, another class came because we thought from there...??

Then we saw the same in another place...

Then we found someone DEAD...

Everyday stuff...
He (the person who died) was beaten up to death I think, and was just left there...

Also, there was no blood or anything else in my dream, weird!!

And then we found someone who they said was gonna be next, and I was like "Well, let's kill him, in the end, he will die anyway..."
But I didn't
Instead, I decided to go to that guy who did all of this, and talk about it!!
Am I acting like Taka now, for some reason??

I went there, I found him, I said what I had to say, and this guy was like "lol, nope!!"
He tried to grab his target from me (I was smart and took him with me), and then...
I started screaming and crying uncontrollably, I literally grabbed (the victim) him, and I wasn't letting him go, and I was screaming "don't do this!!""don't do this!!" and I can say... I almost never felt these feelings so intensely!! Maybe once in my life, but...

I woke up, and everything was so intense, I started crying!! I almost came natural!!

What's MORE interesting, is why I dreamt that:
Last night, I said anything awful I could say to my body
"Mental health my ass, fucking die already!!! I don't care if you will be dying inside, I won't do anything, I'll let you exist and die slowly!! I hope that you will suffer, because you deserve everything!! You made me live this, you will pay for it!! You're not even something worth mentioning, you can die so easily, and the only thing you do is prologing my suffering (I'm talking about the way my body handles wounds, and pain in general here)!! You have no idea how lucky you are, because if I was another person, I would beat you so heavily... Oh you have no idea!!"
What's also interesting, is that when I say these kinds of things, my body cries!! Also, these were my last thoughts before I slept!!

See anything here??
Honestly, I didn't expect this!! Of course, now I feel bad!! I just didn't expect to dream this!! Because, when I say things like that usually, I don't dream anything!! So that was new!!

I don't know, what is your theory??

Crap, it got 7:35 already?? I have to go to school, goodbye!! Don't worry, today we will do only two hours, so, I'll be right back!! See ya ;)

And this is the end of the journal... No really, because last time I saw it the background was pink, the letters were white, and there was also this picture:

Well, the entries WOULD be here, but my dumb clown self thought that I saved the file, but I didn't, so everything is lost now, I know, I'm stupid, I-!!
Hold up, hold up!! These pictures... Are they-??
Yeah!! They are!! You figured it out!!]