WARNING: this file can occasionally contain strong loud and maybe even disturbing music, be careful when pressing play!!
20:13: ¡Buenos Días! It's Hallu here! Currently don't have the energy of updating my actual diary so I came here. Look at me infest the website like the parasite that I am!
20:15: "How did it go?" Well, it was good, gave her the cupcakes, she liked them! I was anxious for a moment that she only wanted to talk to me in order to dig up memories but she was instead super nice! :D
20:18: "Hallu! One moment he bullies you into silence, the next he makes cupcakes for the psychiatrist!" - Miss Sunshine
20:20: Now the big elephant in the room: Do we have BPD? Well, yesn't! She says that we show symptoms but she also said that the personality isn't done developing until the age of 25, so we're now left with just "BPD symptoms", hypomania (what?) and psychosis. Yass!
20:24: Sorry for putting a terrible image and music in here, it will happen again!
20:24: Should I say my name when I'm microblogging in the comments or should I let you suffer by not knowing who it is, hmmm...
20:26: Oh yeah, also yesterday was DID awareness day! And today is Kuro's birthday! And tomorrow is March's full moon! Nice!
20:39: Please picture me like this, lmao! Not how I look like, I look like this, but for the funnies let's pretend that I look like this, lol!
20:43: Told our sister about it and she was like "yeah, duh"! What do you mean yeah duh? How come we're the only ones who didn't notice?
20:52: Told the psychiatrist about my feelings towards Miss Sunshine, aaa-!!! Cringe! Very cringe! But it's true though.
21:40: I forgot to mention that also our anxiety disorder diagnoses got revoked, lmao!! Remember when Miss Sunshine used to preach about GAD? Only a few will remember!
22:07: "Hello Hallu!" Literally nobody in my life ever has bothered to tell me this, I feel so validated! God I love the psychiatrist!
21:08: God I feel so relaxed and happy right now!! Just... Bliss!!
21:09: Tomorrow marks my 1 year since my PTSD diagnosis!! I can't believe that it's been one year already!! Time really flies, huh!!
21:10: For the record, please tell me if my alters do dumb things, I really wanna know!! Because sure, switching is something that happens, but most of the time I'm really embarrassed lmao!!
21:11: Speaking of alters... The General wants to write here for some reason?? What?? And maybe Renard too?? I mean, go ahead, I don't really mind!!
21:12: Guys, don't eat two slices of pizza and a big Mac together, don't do the mistakes I did, your tummy will hurt like mine, ow!!
21:13: Also I've been really thirsty today, like what?? I've drank more than two liters and I don't know why!! Guess I'm just ✨ moisturising ✨!!
21:15: I'm so happy right now, I'm really grateful for that!!
14:53: My whole family is sick, lmao!!
14:53: "Well, maybe you should set him aside for a while, what matters is you now!!" I'm.... I'm blown away!!
14:55: Like many people have said that but the way it was told this time... Wow!! I really do matter!! I guess...
14:56: I always try to make things better for Hallu... But I haven't actually saw that I might need to do the same for myself!! Idk, I've always made myself this thing where people can step over because I'm so used to it, I just did the same with Hallu!! And this... These words... I'm completely blown away!!
14:59: Nobody really tried to see me for myself!! I'm so used to talking about the others, because I don't see the point of talking about myself... Who am I?? Hallu completely destroyed my sense of identity and only recently I was able to somewhat recover it back and I'm just... Whoah!! Someone cares about me!! Someone does!!
15:02: They are right!! They are all right, my life is being at its most critical point right now, I need to focus on what I want!! And I wanna pass!! Right now I wanna pass!!
15:04: Hallu is slipping back to his older habits when he would abuse the shit out of me, so I'm also kinda used to just obey and do whatever he wants because there is/was no way out!! I swear to god, I'm fearing for my life again!! Well shit!!
15:06: Maybe I need to not blame myself for everything!! I know that it's just a PTSD symptom so maybe I shouldn't listen to it!! I'm not the reason Hallu relapsed!! .... Just kidding this is entirely my fault again!! PTSD or not, it's all my fault!!
15:10: I'm just... wow!! I matter!! I just matter!! I don't need to talk about the others all the time, I matter too!! I'm just... Wow!!
16:26: When your food tastes delicious but it's actually undercooked: ಥ‿ಥ
12:35: Before I say anything else, yes, I did put a simulation of auditory hallucinations!! Just wanted to give you a taste of what it was like to be me during the past month!!
12:37: If you are brave enough and reached the point of heavy breathing, here's an interesting piece of information for you: When I told Hallu to prove me that he was real and I wasn't making it up, he started heavy breathing!! I got confused but suddenly I remembered me being in the church while hearing the exact same heavy breathing!! And that's how he got me convinced!!
12:39: If you are braver though and reached the laughing part, here's a bonus info for you: Back in 2020 (I think) a few times after seeing the nightmare, I dreamt of this guy staring at me and laughing!! Needless to say, I woke up crying and suicidal!! Thanks self esteem, you're really doing god's work here!!
12:42: If you nailed to reach the end, here's also another bonus: I've always been a little delusional!! When I was a kid, I thought that I was a fairy and would always see pictures moving and such!! Now the former might be an alter, idk!! But my first completely delulu moment was in 7/10/2020!! 4 days after the nightmare!! Thanks nightmare guy!!
12:45: It's amazing how a single dream can change you!!
12:46: So dad talked about moving again, WHAT?? I mean, we're talking about Y E A R S later, but WHAT?? I thought that we were finally settled, we're gonna move again?? I know that it's probably in 20 years or something, but I'm still surprised!! I thought that we were settled for once!! My life sure is unstable!!
12:56: I need to change the sound part of my website but I'm so lazy to do it, aaaa-!!
13:13: I found the culprit of yesterday's tiredness!! It was the antidepressants!! The psychiatrist told me that it's gonna be like this in the beginning, like I was "drunk"!! If this is how being drunk is like, oh god, I'm getting that out of the bucket list, just no!! I spent the entirety of yesterday just sleeping!! I couldn't do anything!! Good news is that I'm feeling better today so that's a plus!!
18:27: He's doing it again!! Oh god, he's doing this again, Hallu is doing it again!! Why?? Why doesn't he take "no" for an answer, why??