My Dreams!!


Today I decided to finally make a dream diary!! Yay!! But before I say today's dream, I wanna write down random dreams I remember, in case I'll forget them:
Me getting hit by a car, the end of the world(can be flooding, strong winds, radioactivity), me drowning in a pool (kinda), some kind of businessman making a party for his employees and then some weird things started crawling on me, my first nightmare, were there was a girl, and inside were some weird things were inside her and some body horror stuff happened (imagine being 6 and dreaming this!!) people STARING at me, me and my family going to places with a lot of bugs, me and my toys going on a mission to save some dolphins, but we ended up in a giant's house, and we got eaten, me driving (and crashing because I lost control of the car), me and my sister going to find our parents because they got kidnapped (then I tried to drive, but they threatened to shoot me, so I stopped and we got kidnapped too) and... THE CURSED TRILOGY!!
First dream: me being in junior high school. I was going home, but a bunch of dudes were following me and were laughing at me. I walked faster, but so did they. Eventually I started rolling telling them to leave me alone.
Second dream: I was at my own baptism!! The church was really empty and the walls were grey, and we had that thing where you put the baby there, but I don't know the name (if something doesn't make sense here, it's because in [country] the people are not Catholics, so some things will be different). Normally there's water in there, but they told me to put eggs (?). That thing was so big, I could fit there (maybe it was for me, because I didn't see the baby version of me anywhere!!). And one thing: that's a lot of eggs!! (people say that I was maybe when I saw the dream, but I'm sure my brain wanted some weird symbolism and life philosophy, that I'm pretty sure the eggs meant unborn babies... That's a lot of creepiness, I hate it!!)
Last dream: THE NIGHTMARE!! (I will eventually explain it this week, hold on!!)

But anyway, I must say today's dream as well!! Well... I was with mom watching TV. And there were some smarties on the table, because why not?? And then, I... took out my eyes, and replaced them with smarties!! And then other smarties, and then other smarties... Some were in weird shapes, and they gave me weird vision.
That's it, that's the whole dream, I have nothing to add, that's all there is to it!!


Oh no!! 3/10 today!! Hope nothing happens...
So you might be curious about some things regarding today!! Well... after a whole year, I think that it's finally over, and I can finally write everything!!
Last year, at this day, I saw the nightmare!! And it was horrific!! Now, I'm not celebrating one year of suffering from nightmares, I just wanted to see if that thing will really continue for a whole year!!
But what is that stupid nightmare I always talk about?? Well, time to tell you!!
I was laying down, on a road, with some buildings on the distance. Now, I wanna say that I was unable to move!! I was just laying down, in the middle of nowhere!! Then, someone walked up to me, stared into my soul (because everyone in my dreams does it), turned me over, and... oh god, I feel uncomfortable saying it, uuuuuhhhh... r-worded me, I'm gonna say!! Yeah!!
Now that was terrible to go through, especially if you can't scream or fight back!! Luckily, I always wake up quickly, thank god!!
I said always, because that was not the first time... I would see this every month, on the same phase of it, with the same thing happening again and again!! Before the nightmare, it would be intrusive thoughts that wouldn't get away, and that thing kept being on repeat over, and over again!! Every month!! That made me lose a piece of my sanity, that I don't know if I'll ever have back...
Also, I would like to say, to all the victims out there, I really understand how terrible it is!! Not in the scale as you all do, but that nightmare alone was horrific!! Don't wish it on your enemies, ever!!
What I didn't like though, is the reaction people had when I told them!! One person didn't care, and the others just made fun of it (X1 and V though seemed concerned)!! Why, because of who did this to me (you can find him with some digging), because it was a dream and not a real experience, why?? I've never compared it to actual traumatic experiences, so I can't see where all the invalidation is coming from!!
Because, for real, if you saw someone talking about this and wanting to cry, and you laugh about it?? Hope you rot!! Maybe it's because I tried to joke about it, because, uhm, COPING!! Laughing is my best coping mechanism, but here's the thing: I will laugh about it, not you!! You'll only laugh if I gave you the "ok"!!
But anyway, today is one year since this happening, and luckily, nothing happened!! Today I dreamt that I was helping a dentist with his job!! That means no more psychological torment anymore, yaaayyy!!
I would like to thank Raid Shadow Legends Miss Wannabe, for sponsoring this video helping me cope, and for being here with me this far, you are really an one of a kind OC!! Also, shout-out to My Patreons you, for also being nice to me, and making me feel comfortable to write in this website, which made me write this right now!! You are all awesome!!
I believe that after one year, I can let this thing go!!


Aaaayyy, no disturbing nightmare today!! Just 2 dreams I saw, and another one I remembered!!
So the first one was me just burning random things on my bed, bed included!! Now, I wasn't angry (*casually ignores that these days I'm angry*), I just did it!! And then I found my sketchbook being burned, and I was like "Oh C!!" And I just threw a whole bucket of water everywhere!! The sketchbook was saved, yay!! *thumbs up emoji*
After that I just heard water running... And when I woke up I heard the same sound... So I was anxious for 5 minutes if suddenly everything would be on fire... Oh well!!

The second dream was me having online classes (*manifesting*), and after a while I was just acting like a brat, because I got annoyed, so I was like "Very well, now I'm gonna make you suffer!!"

Npw, for the one that I remember, I was laying down in a dark room, and I stood up, and there were a bunch of men (I think more than a bunch!!) wearing black, and just looking at me!! Even though they were just were pitch black, with no facial features, I just knew they were staring at me!! I also don't remember if they were chanting the beginning of the song "Dreams" or if I added that to my mind later, soooo... There's also that!!


"What, you saw dreams again??" Yes!! Actually, my dreaming pattern is not dreaming for some time, and then dream every night for some days in a row.
There were two again, so yeah... The first one had something to do with Junko being kidnapped or something, and I think we had to find her, and after that I don't remember....
What I do remember though is ANOTHER dream with her again!! In that, I was with my sister and one of my friends, and class... You know what the class with Makoto, I really can't remember what number it is!!
So we were all on a bus, heading back home, having fun, and then Junko just told us a plan she had, which made everyone sad, especially Chihiro, don't know why, but that makes me super sad!!
Cut to MY HOUSE, where they were three people in the entrance planning how to kill us and all that!!
Cut back to me, now we came back, and guess what, I was thirsty!! Where did myself decided to go?? No, think!! Would I buy it from somewhere, knowing that someone is in front of my house waiting for me?? Nah, I straight up WENT STRAIGHT TO THE ENTRANCE!! And of course they were there, and they saw me!! And I got SO SCARED, that I LITERALLY transformed into the guy from the nightmare, and started running!!
If there's one thing about this dream that I remember, is the SPEED!! My god, the SPEED!! And that moment I jumped into a place my friends were!! Just wow!!
So I went to my friends saying "there's someone who wants to kill us, we should hide" and all that!! Amd they were just chill, and told me to just stay here, and they won't find us!!
So, I hid there, they didn't find us, and time passed, I might have transformed back, I don't remember!! But I think that this was supposed to be the end, until my brain saw that I was still dreaming, and because it didn't know what to do, it just showed me my town just turning into a desert, with pyramids and people riding camels!! This is not a joke!! And now I confirm that I sleep in inside a pyramid since that day!!
Now, idk if you forgot, but I didn't say the second dream!! This one was a long pause!! Well, it's not like I wanna talk about cockroaches after this masterpiece, and besides, it was only me, my sister, and some old lady!! And they were talking about cockroaches, ignoring the fact that I was eating spaghetti, and then I choked on them!! I was so disgusted I was like "please, I wanna get out of here!!" and my brain was like "ok!!" so I woke up!!
All I'm gonna say is... cockroaches shouldn't freaking exist, they should be cancelled, they should be exterminated in the most violent and painful ways!! People should actively hunt them down and kill them!! Especially the big black ones!! In general, evey type!! They're ugly, and they don't contribute to anything!! Even if there's a species that poops gold and is super rare, idc!! Kill them!! Kill them all!!


From what I remember, I went to the hospital for a liver surgery, except that everything was really liminal looking, and there was no hospital!! Only roads and trees!!!! So I was waiting there, and I had a bee as a pet!! I seemed pretty happy with everything, only a bit nervous if the surgery would hurt or not (because 1% of me knew that I was dreaming and was kinda scared if my body will literally simulate a freaking surgery)!! And after a while, the bee started stringing me- oh wait no, it literally started destroying my nerves because it had some long yellow thing in its face, and it was like a needle!! Yeah, that hurt!! After that, I woke up!!
Now we'll never know if that surgery actually hurts... I believe not really!!


So, today was... look I can't say anymore if my dreams are messed up, because after 21/10, my brain decided to just make me dissociate, in order to cope with messed up things if they appear!!
I think that my dream was really influenced by a story I did in literature, were there was a man who had to live in the mountains, and when he came back, he found out that his wife had married and had a kid with another man (note that he left for so long, that the wofe thought that he was dead, so she gets a pass!!), and he decided to kill her husband, and make her kill the child herself!! Yeah, kinda messed up!!
It was kinda the same: We didn't know were dad was, then one day he came back and found mom in the same position... Though I must say, he pretty much took her and us with him, and he also took her kids and we all just left... But then, at one point my dad just stopped, got out of the car, with the kids, telling them to wait for a bit, then he got back into the car... Yeah, we left them in their own misery!!
Then, we decided to take the bus, and leave the town for good, and mom was making a HAL 9000 to add to her collection, but she decided to leave the collection there... I got sad!!
And then, we were in the bus, just me sitting and feeling like something is off, and then dad looked at me... and for a moment he looked like this... and then he transformed back into my dad trying to distract me from that... Then I thought "you're not my dad, it's you again!!" I swear, I don't wanna see you anymore!! Just let me live!! Now that I know that he can be other people, I think that we'll have a new wave of nightmares... Crap!!


Well, today I just dreamed that I liked someone's blog, so I decided to followed them... And the weird part was that they had two proffiles, but four blogs!! Like, following was so weird to do!! Well, at least they traveled in the same places I did!!
Now, the next one was... kinda creepy!! I was sitting in front of an old computer, and suddenly it showed the message "this is a message from the angels,be not afraid!!" and then someone started whispering... In reverse, like they were taking a lot of breaths, kinda like that!!
Now, I normally wouldn't have been afraid, it's just another dream!! But if I wake up, and I'm still hearing it, yes, then I'm gonna be afraid!!
I like to think that there was a sound irl, and my mind just put it into the dream, that's usually what happens!!

5/6 (??) 1/2022

I was just in Danganronpa S, but the game was kinda different... Well, you were just picking your favourite characters, and you were fighting others, that's all!!
So yeah, I was just fighting others, and because the last fight I had was with one of those 13 y/o and Kokichi, I kinda woke up feeling big vibes for him!! Idk, I just like the fight!!
Also, I love how the "YEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!" when I get monocoins stays the same in my dreams!! Nice!!


So today I dreamt that someone came over to our house, so that he would say some "stuff" to me and my sister, and for some reason I took a bath and a shower, both in the same dream for some reason...
Also K was there!! He didn't say or do anything, he just looked at me... And he was sad!! Then he just proceeded to be sad, and that made me feel sad as well!!
The K part of my dream, I sure can decipher it, it's not the first time he has tried to talk to me in my dreams!! He just doesn't understand why I got so mad at him yesterday (spoiler alert, the thing escalated from jealousy to me being a paranoid defensive jerk)... Thing is idk either, I tried to apologise to him a little while ago, and that paranoid aggresion came back sooo... Sorry K, I wanna talk to you, but we'll need to be a little distant until tomorrow!!
I really hate it when K comes in my dreams when I'm being an insensitive jerk, mostly because 1) why can't he be in the nice ones and have fun with me?? 2) it just makes me feel sad!! I know what I did, but when I see his sad face, I just can't!!
Idk what happens but whatever this thing is, do me a favour and go away!!


Well... This one was something...
So I was in my house with my family, doing everyday stuff, and for some reason Taka was there, and... Well...
Then someone ringed the bell, and when I opened the door, someone gave something to my dad!! I asked what it was, and he said it was for me, and gave it to me!! It looked like a diploma, but not really, because it didn't say why exactly I got this, and it had a note saying something about me being bullied, and that it doesn't matter, and that I could still find friends... Weird!!
Then we went back into the things we were doing, and after a while, someone else ringed the doorbell!! It was the secretary from the place I would have music lessons, and she asked us if my parents wanted me to come back, and I must say, this was so unreal, that even in the dream I felt derealized!! And then for some reason we talk about a "hunt" (probably a game hunt or something), called "Butterflies"... And then a new diploma about participating in the "hunt"... I was so feeling unreal, that I wanted to see were it goes, but I woke up...
Also dad at some point made a pose like Taka when he was talking to mom... Except he wasn't smiling maniacally, he was angry!!


I had two dreams: in the first one, I went to a YouTube video, and holy cow, half of the comments there had pfp of pictures from here!! Mostly pictures of Taka, but I remember someone having a screenshot of my diary, and the whole thing felt unsettling!! It's just that many people at the same time looking at my website makes me kinda nervous....
The second one, well, I don't really remember, but I think that I was Taka and it was windy or something like that... At one moment I went angry at someone... I don't remember anything else honestly... But really though, that should happen more in my dreams, I like it when my brain goes "nah, we're gonna be someone else!!" I think I was Taka because it's actually windy outside, and my brain decided to make me someone else because it just doesn't wanna vibe with the wind right now...


So from what I remember, I was, at school I think (??) and it was BBQ Thursday, and we I was sitting with a few others (and somehow, nobody in my dream is actually in my school irl, except the girl that I talked to), and I was reading a book about mastermind Taka... I remember that it had artwork and random things about it and I went "ooohh, I wanna do something like that!!" and then I saw a drawing of the goddamn-you're the mastermind-not the ruler of the world-chill version, and my brain went into a Miss Wannabe and mastermind Taka trip, because I was thinking about these two a lot during my dream for some reason?? I think that it's because I was making the reference sheets yesterday, and Miss Wannabe hates this guy passionately, so it could be that!! Also I laughed at something at one point, but for some reason my laugh was like Miss Wannabe's for some reason... Not exactly like her's, but it was that loud laugh that you made you say "yeah, Miss Wannabe!!"

Now Idk if I forgot anything, because I was like "I don't wanna write now, I wanna write it later!!" and we all know that the later you write the dream, the less you remember, so congratulations me!! :)


I didn't really wanna write this one because it's gross, but then I went like "yes, but you wanna learn what's behind them, so shut up and write!!" So, oof!!
So I was with my mom and my sister, and I was eating feta cheese, and then some white stuff started coming out and jumping from it and I felt like something was really wrong with it, but I ignored it and kept eating, and I must say, I ate a good chunk of it!! And then those white things became full grown black and red worms!! My sister had one in her leg, and my mom said to her to push it away, and the whole house was now filled with them!! Imagine being in your dream and eating a bunch of worms, then you wake up and you hallucinate this sensation in your throat... No!! (Also I get a lot of sensations these days, what??)
I think that I saw that because I searched about a gross type of cheese back then, and now it came to haunt me, that's what I thought in my dream at least!!


So I was in the place we usually go during the summer, and I was probably playing with my sister!! Couldn't see my parents anywhere, so maybe they weren't there, or they were sitting in the balcony like they usually do!!
I remember opening the door, and when I did, I saw Lain!! She was pretty much the same like she is in the anime and in the game, expect that she now had longer hair, and she tied it in a ponytail!! She still had that iconic hair in the side though!! She was also more cheerful than she usually was, and she said she wanted to play with us!! Now idk if she was older, or if we were younger, because she was the same height as me, or taller!! And also I must say, I did indeed felt like my mental age was the one I have right now, but my body's age wasn't!! But anyway, she came in, we went to the kitchen at first, and then we started playing!!


So I was at university, and I was just sitting alone in the cafeteria I guess (we have no cafeteria places in school here, so I can't tell)?? And then two girls walked up to me, and they started talking super nicely, and they asked me if I wanted to come hang out with them, and I said yes, so we left the cafeteria together and went outside and we started talking about random stuff mostly asking me questions about myself, or how good or bad I find the life at university!! I think I said pretty good, I'm not sure, but I seemed happy!!


So I was checking kiwifarms (??) for some reason?? I'm not a kiwifarms person, but I must say I saw a two hour video on yandere simulator, and I would keep hearing the words "4chan" "8chan" "4chan" "kiwifarms" "gaia online" "8chan", so I guess that's why?? And for some reason there was a discord invite, because, again I'm not sure why?? And next to it was a picture of I_hate_this_guy, AGAIN for some reason?? I guess it's the server's icon or something?? Idk, I have to be that one person who doesn't use discord...
In another dream, me and my parents were making ramen, and my sister was in the living room printing something... And then she went in her room, to cut it or something... I asked her what she was doing, and she showed me: literally next to her bed she hang up the SAME picture all around her bed, and it was the SAME I_hate_this_guy picture as before!! You know what, here it is!! Why is he always so high?? Idk, I think that we might need to research this, although... I don't think those are drugs that he's on...
But why this picture in particular, does the universe want to tell me something?? Does he want me to make a I_love_this_guy as well?? I mean sure bestie, let's hang out in my dreams!! I know you're high af, but hey, I'm high in my dreams as well, everyone is!! If life wants me to have more dreams with this guy... Sure!! I'm actually chill about it!! He looks chill, I look, chill, hey, if you wanna vibe with me in my dreams, go for it!! I'm not gonna judge!!


Me and my classmates were in a new school, and it was HUGE!! There were rooms for everything, I remember seeing a biology one!! It also had an elevator, that looked like the one in my own school!! We were wondering around the hallways around the school, while looking at it!! All the walls were blue for some reason (and the elevator)!! But at one moment, B remembered that we should write a test at that moment, so he told everyone, and we were running around the school, trying to find our class to write that test!!
I must say, that actually reminded me another dream where I was in a huge school AGAIN, but this time, it was all pink!! I remember being there alone (or maybe my classmates weren't with me at that moment), so I walked around, and then two girls approached me and they started talking to me, and being nice to me, so I hung out with them!!


So I was talking with that person I don't really like (I once called her pizza girl, but that is a too honourable nickname for someone like her) and she started spamming things like she usually does, but at one point she linked a kpop chat and I accidentally joined!! I was like "well, I guess I can do nothing about it now!!" So I stayed in the chat, with the cringey Roblox 12 year old simping kpop idols!!
I wasn't texting or anything, didn't see the chat much, and started doing other things!! At one point though, I checked it and they were talking about either mental illnesses or trauma or PTSD!! And at one point, someone wrote "To me, PTSD is just hearing things!!" And I swear I got SO angry, I got the will to leave the chat, go to my friend, and trying to talk to her about it in a way that will make her go to her whiney self, so I'll block her!! And when I woke up from the dream after it ended, I genuinely thought for a second of blocking her irl!!
I think that this anger was from yesterday when I started being angry again at mom, because when I told mom about my PTSD she was "do you actually know how serious this is, that's actually a thing veterans have, there's no way" And since then I swear I haven't told her anything outside of "fine" and yesterday I was just arguing about it in my head saying things like "Next time I will try to grab a gun and go fight in Syria for your own convenience" I must say that it got so bad, I genuinelycannot hear about war victims (like in Ukraine right now) without being angry, because my brain goes "Oh these people get my mom's respect and sympathy, but I don't!!"
But anyway, the other half of the dream was about a playground at school that just opened, so I went out to play in it, and I must say, it was awesome, and I forgot about my anger!!


So... I saw only one, but there was also this other one I saw some days ago, so I guess that I should write that as well... Well I'll go with that first!!
So I was basically arguing with my sister about something, and I got really mad and got out of the house and picked a fight with a girl much younger than me, and I got pretty much to the physical extent... That's a fancy way of me saying that I went out and beat a random kid in the street for no apparent reason, but I don't wanna be seen as someone who goes out and beats 10 year olds!!
After that I was again inside the house, and more specifically inside my room, with the whole room being (almost) dark (almost because I had the room door open of all things)!! I was mostly scrolling through Tumblr, I think, while still being mad, and I could hear my parents in the living room, talking with my psychiatrist, and saying something about a psych ward, and that I should probably go to one for a while... Yee!! I really don't have any other context, so uuuuuhhh... I don't know what else I should say!!

Well, whatever, whatever, onto the one I saw today!! So basically it was just Taka doing things, mostly studying and reading stuff!! He also read his own manga, and by his own manga, I mean that Asobu one that I keep talking about!! He was kinda weirded out, but in the K way!! By that, I mean the "Um... I kinda don't like this, but okay??" way, not the "What the hell is this??" way!!
But for some reason, his voice was high pitched and cheerful all the time, and he was just moving and doing gestures in that cheerful way, in general, he had this really happy sweet aura!! Like, holy cow, you could almost see the sparkles everywhere!!
And I must say that this whole thing made me feel really happy as well, and also really safe!! So safe in fact, that I woke up regressed!! Didn't know that you can age regress from a dream, but apparently it's a thing I guess!! I must say though, it really did make me wake up feeling happy, I need more dreams like this!! I need more happy cheerful Taka reading that manga about himself in my life!!


I saw two dreams today!! Well, I don't remember almost anything from the first one but oh well...
Again, I don't remember pretty much anything from the first one, and the only thing I remember is dad being in the living room and me in the room, and at one moment he started screaming!!
I woke up so anxious, that my heart was beating like crazy, and I had to take a lot of deep breaths to calm down!! And when I did, my heartbeats were so slow compared to a few minutes ago, that I thought for a moment I overdid it, so now I might die!! Well, at least thank goodness I'm still here!!

Okay, the second one though was more positive!! So I went out with my sister to buy a teal ribbon, and when we got in the store, the lady that owned it was wearing one!! Now I like to think that she might had PTSD as well because the teal ribbon is the symbol of PTSD, but it also represents so many other stuff so you can't really be sure!! I mean even a slight change in the ribbon's color, and it automatically represents 50 other stuff!!
Anyway, she was really nice and such, and she even made me find something better than what I was searching!! So I bought what she offered me, and then we went back home!!
From what I understood, that comes from the real desire of me to buy an actual teal ribbon, and that's why I heard that May is mental health awareness month, and June is PTSD awareness month and I'm like, hey, it may be only in America, but idc, I wanna join, I'm self-invited!! So yeah, wanna buy a ribbon, but idk where to find one, and I sure hope that the crafts and books store that I go to has something that will help me make it, because that's the only place my social anxiety says "hmmm... Yeah, you can go!!" Yeah, teal ribbon, wanna buy one!!


Omg, an update!! Yes, an update, but... Maybe something else, like, this dream was kinda...
I don't know if it's actually two dreams or one that got separated in two parts, so I'll say that it's one, because it seemed like the plot kinda was consistent... Anyway, dream!!
So the first part was me and my family (and two... friends of my parents I think??) were going to a beach, but I didn't wanna go to that one, so I was just like "fine, I'll wait until we leave!!" I also didn't wanna leave the car for a while, I guess that it was kinda windy, because that's what my ancraophobia does when it's windy and I'm inside a car!!
After that we got out of the car, and we went into what seemed to be... A waterpark?? I don't remember clearly, I remember mostly jet skis tied in many places!! I remember going to one that was tied to something that seemed to be a thing that was going up, and I went to that one to ride it!!

Now, the second part that I saw after a while was again me and the same people but this time we were inside a house, and everyone was talking with each other!! Now I saw this part two times!! As soon as the first one ended, it repeated immediately!! The first time, I was checking Tumblr and Neocities, and was seeing people's blogs!! The second time, I was sitting next to my mom!! In the second time, one of my parents' friends asked me and my sister if we knew what [something] was!! In both times though, he later put the house on fire!! We all got up and left the house, except my mom and her friend who were casually talking like nothing was happening!! I tried to pull her out and tell her that we have to go, but she didn't do anything, and then she started saying to her friend about how brave we are and how we always get out of trouble!! I think that this was her way of saying "Just get out, I'll stay and get burned here!!" So I got out and started screaming and crying!! I was screaming so loud in fact, I woke myself awake!! Yeah... Quite the dream!!


So I had FOUR dreams today!! WHAAATTT?? Let's go, let's go!!
So the first one was P teaching me math!! Must say, he was actually really calm and seemed like he knew what he was talking about!! He really did his name justice in this dream!! After that, I woke up with a headache!! Lol!! But after it went away, I nailed to sleep again, and saw the other three in a row!! Whoah!!
Anyway, onto the next one!! So I was writing physics in the Panhellenic exams, and for some reason I was in a building that was... Not school?? Anyway, I walked out and my private physics teacher was already out and asked me how I did!! I think that I said fine, and after that he told me to not worry, and we went out!! Outside was my classmates and the teachers and they were all celebrating!! Now, idk why-!! Oh wait!! Oh wow, I just remembered that physics is the last thing I write in Panhellenics!! Woah!!
The next dream was pretty much me and my family being in a room that had some metal stairs, for a reason?? People would jump on them for some reason, mostly because it was... "some kind of meme"?? Idk, then I went on the stairs as well, and started jumping!!
The last one... Oh god the last one!! I was investigating a murder with a detective to find who done it!! Turns out the killer was actually his brother!! But wait, there's more!! He said he killed him because he trapped him in a Florence flask and was pouring strong acids inside it every day!! Eventually he managed to break the thing and stabbed him to death!! To be honest, if I was trapped in the most claustrophobic thing ever and couldn't move, and someone was doing some weird incest torture fetish thing on me, stabbing wouldn't be enough!! I would make them explode!!
Also I just noticed that besides modern Greek and history, everything else resembles a subject that I wrote in my graduation exams!! That's kinda creepy... Except the stairs though, idk why I saw that!!


Wow!! I thought that the last dream was crazy!! This one is just NEXT LEVEL!! WHAT IS GOING ON, SOMEONE EXPLAIN!!
Well I guess I have to explain!! So basically, the whole world was cursed and there were dinosaurs everywhere!! At the day you could get out, but during the night you had to be in your house because the dinosaurs were coming out, and everything was becoming cursed!!
There was a dude for some reason that tried to act like the dinosaurs were attacking him with footage and stuff, but it was all edited!! At one point though, when the church started praying "the evil away" as I call it, either this guy got actually attacked, or someone else got killed!!
At one point though, I think the whole town started praying my family included and oh my god, ypu never guessed what happened!!
So I have made random keychains from random Taka pictures irl, my comfort character obviously included!! And in the dream... That keychain freaking STARTS SHINING and SUMMONS MY COMFORT CHARACTER!! What?? And he starts giving that speech about how "he'll protect everyone and that he's with god and that people should keep praying to him" and that kind of stuff!! After that I woke up!! I think that the curse went away though, so I didn't miss anything!!
But seriously... WHAT?? What was that?? Why?? What?? How?? The thing is that I can't tell if I'm slipping further into psychosis, or if I have religious trauma that said "hey bestie, long time no see!!" But seriously though, WHAT IS GOING ON, SOMEONE EXPLAAAAIIIINNNN!! WHAT IS ALL OF THIS??


Hey!! So for some reason I see dreams constantly these days, but I forget them!! The only thing that I remember though each time, is me,my sister and X1 being together!! I think that we are all in a vacation, because from what I understand my brain NEEDS this!! It NEEDS to go on a vacation with X1 just to relax and forget everything!!
But whatever, I saw two other dreams today and I thought "okay, maybe I need to update the diary now"!! So the first one was me and my classmates going on a trip, and at one point I wanted to take a photo but everyone was in the way so I told them to step aside a bit... AND THEY DID!! I mean the lightning turned out to be terrible, but I was so happy they heard me, that I took a picture anyway!!
The second one though... The second one was ✨MAJESTIC✨!! So I I had my talking Angela as a pet but AS A REAL PET!! She was so ✨ majestic ✨ that she had a cat house (or something like that) that was like a palace, and had that beautiful classical piano music in the background!! I think my talking Tom was also there as a real cat, and he fell in love, but Angela was like "I'm so high and mighty"!! Must say it was kinda funny seeing Tom trying to win her heart but he was getting rejected!! Poor guy...


So I was at school for the math exams, but for some reason when I was waiting outside, the school looked more like I was at junior high school instead of just high school!! I was looking stuff in my phone, and then some girls started making fun of me, and I was just... confused??
I then entered the school, and went to the class I would write the exams, and it suddenly transformed into the high school I went to!! While I was trying to mind my business and write the exams, some of my classmates started making fun of me!! I ignored them for a while, but after some time everyone was making fun and laughing at me!! I started crying and I just left and ran my way home!! I think that I said to myself that when I would go home, I would delete my Instagram!!
At one point though, even though I was running so fast I was midway through my way home and didn't felt tired, I started running out of breath!! I saw my sister walking though, so I tried to try and reach her, but I was so out of breath, I just fell down whilst heavy breathing!! She noticed me though, went up to me and... proceeded to make fun of me like everyone else!! I don't remember if I was so tired and done at that point or if I started crying again, but after that I woke up!!
Even though what I call the "transitional period" of the dream has ended, I still feel like deleting my Instagram!! Soon self, there's only one day left, soon...


Oh!! OH!! Oh thank god it was a dream!! I got scared for a second!!
So basically I was a school... That looked again like that school I went to back in 7th grade, but all the teachers were the ones I had this year!! And at that moment, it was the exam period!! So our physics teacher gave us the exam program, but for some reason physics was in 3 different parts, in 3 different dates!! 10/6, 12/6, and 15/6!!
So I did all the exams, no problem there, and at one point, it was 11/6!! I decided to just sit down on my phone and relax a bit!! But as soon as I did that, it was suddenly 12/6, and I had only 10 minutes until the exam!! But in the meantime,for some reason I told X1 to meet today!! So I panicked and rushed to go tell dad to drive me to school, because I couldn't go on my own, and he was like "why didn't you tell me that??"!! After that he said "Didn't anyone in the group chat mentioned it at all??" I think I told him that someone did, and I either gave him my phone, or he took it himself, and he started scrolling through the chat to see the messages!! But the messages started being incoherent, and kinda... spam-my?? I guess?? And then I woke up!!
Thank god I realised, because otherwise, I would have gone tell dad about the exams, and he would be like "????"!! Trust me, aside from the messages, everyone was acting SO in character, and in a normal situation I would find (like dad being in the living room, and me having to meet X1 today), that if those messages weren't weird, I would definitely believe that it's 12/6, and I have to write exams!! Oh, thank goodness, I don't...


So I was pretty much in the ancient times, but people have already discovered all the basic stuff people knew until then, so they started moving to modern technology!! Fr though, seeing ancient stuff everywhere, and then seeing an "ancient" mall, is both interesting and kinda funy!!
Even the people started wearing more modern clothes!! Okay, not exactly like the ones, today, but pretty close!! I kinda liked the ancient/modern style though, someone should make a movie like this!!


I saw a dream and for some reason I can't go back to sleep, so I guess I'll write it. (Oooohhh, line 222!! And it's 5:55!!)
So basically I was a little ball of sadness, and Kuro decided to "adopt" me, "you're my friend now" style. And throughout the dream, he was just taking care of me and giving me affection!! How nice!!
Also Asobu decided to make a manga of... his source?? Idk how to say it... And I must say, he was just a badass, MUCH better than the original!! I mean, go look pictures of I_hate_this_guy that I have here, what deep story does that guy give??
Professor couldn't understand why Kuro is always so chill and bubbly, so he just said "This guy probably puts weed in his water"!! And I'm saying the same for I_hate_this_guy, he looks like he's on crack!! How badass does that look??
Speaking of that, I must say that having a 2 meter tall dude in your head, despite being a goofball, is intimidating on it's own!! Idk I just have an issue with tall people...
Yeah, I should probably go, I don't want Professor to find out that I'm breaking the 5 minute rule, so for now, bye!!


So it was me, my sister, and maybe X1, and for some reason our parents forced us to climb a really, REALLY big wall (so big in fact that it was reaching the sky and beyond), because on the end of it there was a church!! And the wall was so smooth, you could barely climb it!! But we somehow nailed to climb a bit!! Then we fall down, but they told us to climb up again!! We eventually nailed to climb a little more, but I woke up, so I don't know what happened!!
I think that I was so not having it, because I scratched myself awake, and now that I look at it, the scratch is pretty visible!! Oof!! And I have a concert (kinda) to do today!! Oof!!


Trust me, I keep seeing dreams everyday, it's just that I keep forgetting them!! Even now, I don't really remember, so I'm just gonna start writing without saying anything more!!
So basically it was me and some other kids, and we were in... It looked like Miss Wannabe's castle but not really?? It also had one of those kid carpets on the floor for some reason!!
So there was this guy telling us a story, about someone (him?? me?? idk, in the dream I saw me, but honestly if you read more, I think that he was being vague and we all just visualised different characters for it) going on an adventure!! Literally one of those prince goes to the castle ones!! But there was no dragon and princess!! Instead it was... A weird fusion of Professor and The Thing, and apparently the Nightmare Guy was keeping him on a leash and in a cage!! I mean Professor was really aggressive, constantly growling and banging the cage, but again, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HE FELT!! There were also times where he would just feel hurt, sand curl into a ball and cry!!
So then I went in the castle and started fighting random people!! Then I nailed to approach Professor and free him from his cage, but he ran away!! The Nightmare Guy nailed to catch him and I swear to god, he straight up YEETED the everloving shit out of him inside the bathroom!! So then I pushed him inside too, and we started fighting there!!
At one point I nailed to beat him, and I decided to check on Professor!! But at that point though a girl said that the story ends here, probably because she was bored, and I told her I wanna hear until the very end, and some boys joined me too by slamming the floor and saying "more, more, more"!! Then all the kids started singing a children's song, which I think is the dream equivalent of the Tumblr "kung pow penis"!! That's it!! No cancellation, no exposing, no kung pow penis, just sing a children's song!! The guy decided to continue with the story, but my brain is too dumb and it woke me up!! Great!! Really interesting story though, ngl!


I actually dreamed this yesterday, but whatever!! Let's pretend that it's today's dream!!
So basically I was in a restaurant eating, but I then I started choking on it!! What's worse is that I could physically FEEL it!! I could feel my throat widening!! Like, no!!
I really feel like my repressed emotions are starting to creep in my sleep!! Great!! That's why I don't see sleep as a comfort!! Because I either see nightmares, or stuff like this!! I just see sleep as something to waste my time on!!


So I was in a secret agent's mansion, and I was with him, a woman that was helping him with whatever mission he was in, and his butler!! I kinda don't remember that remember what happened for a while, but after that... nothingness... The agent and the butler got kidnapped, and me and the agent's helper (I guess) had to rescue them!! The kidnapper made us go to every room in the mansion and we had to solve a riddle each time!! Good thing is that he was also giving us 3 "hints": Pretty much what the butler believed that was the answer!! The agent's helper was pretty much the one doing everything and I was just sitting there... (lol)
At one point though, there was a riddle that she didn't know the answer, and even in the hints, the butler said "I really don't know"!! But I was there like "pls, I know the answer, let me write for once"!! So I wrote it!! The answer was "X3 SOFEL" for... some reason!! I remember that the riddle was about a cat, and "Sofel" was the cat's name... Idk!! After that I woke up!!


So I saw two dreams: The first one, I don't really remember but basically dad had an apprentice (or something) and they came from our house because they needed to get ready for some kind of event!! I don't really remember anything else, aside from the fact that their hair was kinda funny and I started giggling quietly!! They noticed but they weren't offensed, they just said that they did it like this for the event and that it was truly funny indeed!!
The second one was basically the embodiment of "what in god's name"!! So basically it was just me and another girl, and we were in a forest with some other people, and each one of us was riding a white horse!! There were two lines of people one facing the other and vise versa!! And we were doing something like that thing knights used to do (can't remember the name) I guess... But, none of us had a fancy armour, nor a fancy sword!! So what do you do?? You just go full speed ahead, and the one's horse that gets ripped to shreds by the other one loses!!
Then my brain just showed me animal cruelty!! No for real, that thing was so graphic, it was just animal cruelty!! Do you know how your brain tries to hide something in your dreams from time to time?? Just think of all the ways and make a list!! Good!! Now throw that list away because screw it!! Why bother, straight up gore sounds nice!! Like, my brain didn't even TRY!! It didn't even try to put some background noise by people talking or by just having the dream "camera" focus on me... Nah, just silence along with horse screams and graphic gore!! That is top tier crap by my brain, hell yeah!!
Eventually not even the people who decided to do this were just like "oh HELL NO" and just told us all to just stop and just get the hell out of here!! So me and that other girl just got up and leave!!
Idk where the others were going, but we just ended up going out of the forest and going to an underground parking lot... There was a car elevator there and we got in to process this!! I don't know if I was also different and transformed back, but that other girl transformed into Professor, and he just started ugly crying!! Like, screaming heavy breathing having a "wtf did I just witness" expression type of crying!! And Professor is the type of guy that browses guro things on Tumblr, that guy is pretty desensitised!! And he was just crying like this!! Idk either Professor!! Idk why we saw that either!!


So I had two dreams, and the first one was basically me sleeping, but there was a dead cockroach next to me!! Ew!!
The second one was me, my comfort character and another girl, and we were all just a gang of "I'm pretty gay but I hide it"!! Because if I remember, we were in a town, and in that town it was illegal or something... I mean it did look pretty old!! But then we found two guys, and they also gay, and my comfort character was like "hey, don't come here, they are gonna see you!! Go there instead!" So they joined our squad, and then there were also some teachers in the town's school, and they also gay, so they joined as well, and then more people started joining, so we made a little club with a place to meet up and just talk about our gayness without anyone else in town noticing and just throwing parties and stuff!! LMAO!!


So I went to a wedding with my family!! The only thing that I remember is just going and leaving, and me just being in the car... I think that we left before the wedding even started, lol!!


Ok, the first one is gross so I was avoiding writing it but eh!! So I was at home with random people talking about our lives (I think that we were friends) and for some reason I was scratching my face, and was like "okay people, I'm gonna go to the bathroom and scratch my face there because I don't wanna be seen as a weirdo to all of you"!! So I went there, and for some reason I ripped my face apart and saw my skull!! Myself really said "excuse me, I need to rip my face in half" there, lol!!
The second one was me being with a bunch of people, and we were a dance group, and there was a girl who was doing our choreography and she told us we're gonna dance to "the disappearance of Hatsune Miku"!! After that I zoned out in the dream like a boss!!
And the last one was me and my dad who traveled somewhere by car, and then we came back!! At home, the lighting was yellow!! And when I asked for dad to bake some chicken nuggets, and they were yellow too!! Idk...
Oh yeah, also!! I remembered one!! Can't tell why, but I was at home chilling there, and I decided to drink that thing you use to clean the windows!! Anyway I started drinking it, and it tasted like mint mouthwash and for some reason some cheerful synth music started playing, and it was so blue... It was so weird, but in such a good way!!


Okay I saw SO MANY dreams today, idk why, so now that I have seen 3 dreams in a row, and 2 from the previous days, I think that it's time to write them all!!
Gonna start with today!! The first one was either me and Professor arguing, or me seeing Professor doing the thing he usually does when intrusive thoughts get bad, and me confronting him!! For context, we did have a fight last night because his mental health is TANKING again, and he REFUSES to tell anyone AGAIN!! Listen, I know you're scared because "oh no, they'll send me to a mental hospital, or worse, they'll send me in jail" but we said that we're gonna avoid one thing at all costs, and said thing is not doing things we did in autumn 2021!! Worst time of my life, absolutely DO NOT wanna live that again!! Anyway, after that I dreamt waking up and looking at my phone!! It was 3:49 with 13% battery!! Eh, when I woke up it was 4:09 with 52%, so I guess... close yet far?? This is the first time I saw a dream within a dream... If it's a sign that I'm stressed about what happened in the dream then YES I AM!!
Anyway, the second one is... I really don't remember anything aside from one moment, when someone released a LOT of frogs in the town, except said frogs didn't have a face, and they were and they were running instead of jumping. There was some guy running from them on a motorcycle and told me to go to him, so I went while I stepped on a few frogs and omg, I could feel it and it was so EW!! It's that weird slimy squishy thing, just ew!! Anyway, I hopped onto the motorcycle, and we escaped!!
And the last one was me and my uncle being in my grandpa's house, while talking about my grandma. There was also either an old cassette, or an old program playing in the tv, I can't remember... After that we went out, and he told me that one day he'll tell me the meaning of... Something I can't remember, and it bothers me!! I think it's about the old house they were living in because we were talking about that earlier!! After that he realised that today it's the first day at school and he complained why is the government making things so hard for the students!! This whole dream just left me sitting there... Just... No words, I can't tell how I should feel...
So that was it from today, but there were also two more from previous days, but I didn't wrote them because laziness obviously wins!! The first one was my parents getting me and my sister some pets as gifts but uh... They were inside toy boxes!! Even in the dream I was just like "bruh what the hell boi"!! Aren't animals supposed to breathe and all that?? They let us have two EACH though!! So I picked the dog and one that was an otter/rat, can't tell because it was inside a box!! After that they put the rest in a gift bag... Don't know what happened to them, because I was busy with the dog!!
The last one was pretty much a cannibal telling us how he ate some girl!! From what I understood, just don't be alone with some guy in a room at night, he'll kill you, cook you for dinner and eat you!! When I woke up, I was just like "HUH??" Yeah, so confusing!!


I kinda forgot the first one, I think that I was having an argument with someone (I think with my sister) and all my brain did was wake up and tell me "yo, I don't like how the blanket is touching my neck, get if off!!" This is so weird, because sometimes things can touch my neck with no problem and sometimes my brain is also like "nah, don't like, take it off"!! Weird!!
The second one was me and my family getting back from a trip, and at one point they kinda started keeping a distance from me and told me "yeah, you got COVID"!! After that I woke up FREEZING!! I know that my brain was trying to say "hey, put something on, I'm gonna catch a cold" but idk if I can do much because I tried to cover myself with everything I had and I was still freezing!! Can't tell if I should ask dad because he might be"like, but the weather is actually fine, I don't see the problem " but whatever, I'll try!! I would sleep it away but for real, I'm FREEZING!!


So my mom (maybe dad as well, I'm not sure) wasn't actually my actual mom, and my parents told me that I should meet her. That afternoon she called me, telling me where I should go. I got out and went towards the plaza, and I forgot everything like an idiot!! But there was a rock/pop concert going on with everyone cheering, but they all stopped, she saw me, she got down from the stage and walked towards me!! I was super anxious though so I just froze in there not moving at all!! She came to me though, and she just started talking to me all casually and stuff?? She said she likes my clothes, I told her I liked hers, and we had a conversation (while me still being still for some reason) ruutfijfcugxudydtsufohjghcdg!!


Well it's now 5:53 AM so I could see more but so far I think I've seen them all, and because it's better if you write them as soon as possible, I'm gonna do that, instead of repeating in my mind what I'm seeing several times until I wake up the next day!!
Anyway, I saw two dreams today!! The first one being... You know, I was debating if I should write this because one of you was in the dream and I don't want to make you uncomfortable!! But it wasn't something bad, so I guess I'll just write it and no say who it is... I guess!!
So said mutual came over to my house, and it was them, me and my sister!! We were drawing things for each other, talking about us, I think that we also baked something at one point, I think a pizza?? Because we were in the kitchen at one point!! But after all that, they told me that they had to go, because their parents would come to pick them up!! I was like "nooo, when can I see you again?? :(" I guess that they said soon or something but after that the dream ended!!
The second one... The second one was... Heh!! I was in a church along with some classmates doing whatever and then a mass murderer came in and started shooting everywhere!! We all tried to run but he was at the entrance sooo... No luck of getting out!! We decided to hide in random places in the church and wait until he left!!
The next day we were on the church again, but this time before the murderer would come we decided each of us to have some kind of weapon!! I had something like a blade, kinda reminded me of the one dad gave me IRL... Anyway we hid, he came again shooting everywhere, but I think this time some nailed to attack him a little and I was so happy I was like "yes!! my suffering ends here!!"
But lo and behold, next day comes and we all grab our weapons again because he is coming AGAIN!! I was honestly crying at that point saying that I don't know why I'm doing this, or why I'm here in the first place and why I have to fight this man!! There was an old lady working there though (I think that nobody left the church those 3 days because I'm pretty sure ALL OF US would just leave) and she told me that if I wanna leave I can do it now, and she gave me money but NOT euros, it was Greece's old currency, before euros came in!!
I guess I left because I woke up?? Why were we there and didn't leave?? Do the money create some kind of portal for you to leave the place like in the Sonic movies?? Why did "hypertone beyond hypertense" had to play everytime the murderer came in?? What's the meaning of all of this?? I don't know!!


Another 3/10 type of dream!! This time actually different than usual and I could scream in it...
I'm really surprised though!! I woke up three times tonight because I was cold, and spent more than two hours of my sleep time on my phone because I just couldn't get asleep!! When I'm like this I'm GUARANTEED, to not see any nightmares!! Why?? WHY?? WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING??
7/10!! I knew it!! I PREDICTED IT, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!! IT WAS 3/10, THEN 21/10... I told myself 3×7=21 maybe next one will happen then!! 7/10!! I KNEW IT!! I SHOULD HAVE PAID ATTENTION TO THE DATE!! OH GOD, WHY??
After this, I don't think that I can refuse to acknowledge the fact that I have PTSD... You've read what I did!! Nobody gets nightmares when they keep waking up in the middle of the night and stay awake until 6AM!! What I DO refuse to acknowledge though, is what I'm seeing!! I refuse to accept it, I refuse to say that this happened!! Why would anyone allow it?? When I saw 3/10 I was 16, that means that when it happened I would be 15 or younger!! But there's no way!! There's just no way!! Who would allow that, my parents sure wouldn't let this slide!! No way!! NO WAY!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT ANY OF THIS IS HAPPENING!!
My life is falling apart and I have to fight this all alone!!


Remember when I said that sometimes in my dreams I become that guy I hate?? Well this dream was one of those, except that I just had his clothes and they were plain black instead of black and white!!
For some reason I was with some classmates (that I honestly don't really like irl but whatever I guess) and I think that we went on a school trip because there were many from school in there!! I think that we also got a tour about something, but I can't be certain because I forgor!!
After that we were free to go wherever on (wherever we were) we wanted, so some of us crossed a bridge, and got into a cave (I think) and in there wasn't actually a cave, but something that looked like a mall!!
In there, there were something like slides, I guess (they were really narrow), with small waterfalls on the ceiling, so we went there and slided... The water was cold and we all complained about it, but it was fun!! At one point I saw a (also narrow) door, with a sign that said "NO" so I asked what was that, and one of the girls said "Oh, this is for if you wanna get out"!! I obviously was like, "what no, I don't wanna leave" so I stayed and kept sliding!!
After a while we found another door that said "LAB" and we got in, and was obviously, well... A lab!! There were many chemistry tools on a table, but on the other side of the room, there was a huge desk with many TVs on it, and each TV was connected to a camera, so as a mastermind, I sat down there with a huge smile on my face like "oh yeah, this is my element"!! In one of the TVs you could also see yourself, so that's was cool!! After a while the others sat next to me, and we decided to take photos because you could use the TV for that, but everytime we were trying to do that, I for some reason was looking like a dork, so we started laughing about it, so I ended up looking constipated in the pictures while laughing like an idiot (lol)!! After that I woke up!!
I don't know why, but for some reason my brain really likes this guy!! Everytime I'm stressed I transform into him into my dreams and then proceed to run away from something, mostly my problems!! This had to be the first dream where I'm not actively distressed about something (in dream, otherwise... *cough* MissWannabeDontLook *cough*), and I actually had fun in it, instead of "need 2 run 4 mah life"!! I really wonder what all of this means!! I liked many characters in the past, and I saw them in dreams, but I neverbecame them!! I really wonder...


I actually don't really remember the details much, but aaahh, it was so wholesome, hcufydydfy!! (⁠ ⁠≧⁠Д⁠≦⁠)
I was actually AGAIN with a Neocities mutual, this time another one and- You know what, I need to ask, when I say that I dreamt about you, would you like to know?? I'm really curious!! Anyway, we were talking about trauma and cPTSD and at one point, I think that I probably said the casual things traumatised people say (that "oh, I'm so broken, I can never heal!!") and they cheered me up and said "Ah no, don't think like that, you can do it, I believe in you!!" I think that it was like this, I REALLY wanna write them down exactly like they said because... Because!! This was seriously one of the most wholesome dreams I've seen, I love it and all of you so much, aaaahhh!! o⁠(⁠(⁠*⁠^⁠▽⁠^⁠*⁠)⁠)⁠o


There are actually three dreams from the last 3 days, but I was too lazy to update them, so now that I updated my site in general, I'm like "why not??"
The first one, was me and my family being out for a walk in a street next to the sea, and one guy was selling... I'm gonna call it bubble tea, without the bubble, and he said that if you drank it you would get a spiritual awakening!! And I thought to myself "oh god, they have drugs in them, don't they"!! My sister drank one, for some reason... And she obviously became high af (I mean she literally said "I'm so high" at one point), so I was wondering what she was tripping on, so I drank one myself, and got high as well... I used to say "I don't need drugs, I have my own brain chemicals" as a joke... But at this point I don't even know if it's a joke, I literally saw those trippy psychedelic patterns that you see in LSD simulation videos, just what?? Anyway, after that I woke up!!
The next day I dreamt that A was coming over (through flying for some reason?? I mean she's not that far away anymore, we nailed to meet last week) and the whole dream was pretty much us getting prepared to meet her, and my parents saying "oh, don't forget to tell her this, don't forget to tell her that, if she needs anything she can call us" all that!! I mean we did drive her home last time we met, and my parents said to her that if she needs anything, she can call them!! So it's not that it's that far from the truth, she's just not that far away!!
And lastly, today's dream that was just... That Taka version that I have beef with!! I think that he was saying something to me, and he was just pissed as usual... Also I can't tell why, but everytime I see him, there's something with the colour blue going on!! He either has those creepy blue eyes that stare at your soul, or the whole background is blue, or in this case both... Like, for a guy that has a black/white/red colour palette, my brain sure loves associating him with blue for some reason!! Why?? Who knows??


Do I even need to say it at this point??
I feel like something is wrong!! I feel like I can't find the easy way out of this and just deny it anymore!!


Omg, this is a really wild one, I swear!!
There was this K-pop/J-pop styled idol (K-pop styled because she wasn't actually Korean, just American, but she really liked doing that type if music) and she (at least I think that it was her) was gonna sell a book detailing her life and show us a documentary about her!! And it was at a beach, so I decided to go there and low and behold, I was at that beach with many other girls and some boys!!
But those girls are those rich kid type of girls, with short t-shirts, loads of make-up, hair on a ponytail and heels... In the fucking beach!! And they also have that annoying way of speaking!! It's so funny, they all looked the same person, or many people cosplaying a character or something!! The boys were not any better, and they were those acne faced nerds that were chasing a girl and were like "omg, mah princess"!!
Anyway, those girls wanted to beef with me for some reason, so they started looking at me with that annoying stare while having that annoying smile and tone... But I did what so many years of bullying teached me, I looked somewhere else with a poker face and hid my annoyance!!
After a while some dudes came up and decided to give each one of us a copy of the book!! I think that this time the girls started to giggle at me but I easily ignored them because NOBODY can do this type of bullying better than beef jerky!! Y'all are just inferior to him!! Also around that time mom called me for some reason to tell me that grandpa died and internally I was like "finally, after the things Hallu said to me, I just don't like this man"!! Lmao!!
Anyway the dudes then went somewhere I couldn't see them because of the crowd, and I guess that now the singer would appear, but they started saying some stuff about her, and the girls were just mocking them and I got so pissed I just turned around and went "could you please shut the fuck up??" Of course they started laughing because that's the only function that their brain can do, so I said "fuck it" and walked up to them and started fighting them and pulling their hair... Then the other girls and some boys started fighting them as well and there was overall a big chaos unfolding!! After that I woke up!!


I... I don't even know at this point!! I don't know if I dreamt it, imagined it, hallucinated it or lived it!! I don't even know what time it is, what my name is, where am I or even if I'm awake at all!! I'm still feeling like I'm dreaming... It's hell!! It's absolute hell!!
He's in my head, he's in my body, he's in my soul!! I can't take this anymore, I'd rather be dead!! I seriously rather be dead!! Everyday I wake up and everything becomes a distorted mush, I really can't tell you what happened yesterday, or the day before!! It's all just... I don't even know how to describe it!! It's just a mess!!
Does it matter that I write this?? I really don't know... I'm gonna forget this anyway!! I know I will!! Just look at me!! It's 2AM, I'm gonna go to sleep, and when I wake up I'm gonna forget everything!! I'm gonna forget I wrote this, I'm gonna forget that I was here, everything!! I'm gonna forget everything!! I really don't want this update to appear in the feed, but I feel like I have to keep it to prove my point!! Asking me won't work, I'll just lie and say that everything is fine!! But with this... I'll know!! I'll know that I forgot!!
This is literally hell, I have finally reached madness!!


Dude... Dude... I... Oh god, dude!! What... Wtf?? Just wtf?? Man, this has to be the first time I'm doing this, but TW for CSA on this one, wtf??
First up, I've been seeing a lot of nightmares lately like at one point it was one every night, it started through Hallu telling me that he'll kill me and then choking me, then a few nightmare type dreams... Their frequency waxed and waned a little bit but they eventually stopped!! I got in better terms with Hallu, so the strangulation dreams stopped!!
But this one... This one... Man, I don't wanna look at it, I don't wanna write it, but I have to!! I must tell my psychiatrist, so I need a good description of it and it's fresh now, sooo...
So my sister went on a roadtrip with school and then came home!! So we greeted her and mom asked her for the trip!! She said some things about it, what they did, etc!! And at one point she said "We found a child whorehouse"...
At that point I was like "whoah, wtf??". We talked a little more about the trip, and eventually mom decided that she wanted all of us there!! I FULLY and GENUINELY believe that motive for that was so that she would point at the children and be like "look I'm a better parent than those people"!! Holy shit, I full on believe it, YOU CAN'T CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE!!
So we went there, and got in!! It was like an empty old house, really!! Not something... Extreme, thankfully!! Some little girl was crying with two boys and one more girl with her, and at one point an adult came up with a birthday cake, humming some stupid song!!
If that wasn't enough for you, at that point I heard Hallu repeatedly say "This is it!! This is it!! This is it!!" So I must say, it did fill me with anxiety!!
I saw some stairs on the other side of the room, so I went there, and there was a small hiding spot where I could sit there while seeing where everyone was, without people looking at me!! I didn't want my classmate or anyone that knew me to find me here, so I hid by getting to the hiding spot, and being in all fours!!
I then saw some other man sitting on the stairs, a little away from my hiding spot!! Let's play a game here, what do you think that happened?? a) He gave me a million dollars b) He sneezed and the place exploded c) nothing, he was just sitting there or d) fucker decided to molest me, omg, ding ding ding, it was that, how could you tell!!
After that I woke up... Man, I don't wanna think about it, I don't wanna look at it, it pisses me, it scares me, it frustrates me, it annoys me, it does all kinds of things!! Like no, nothing happened, everything is fine, leave me alone!! Dude... I don't wanna deal with this!! But I have to even though I don't want to because I have no other choice!! Oh god, please spare me!!


Y'all know this is STILL Hallu talking to you right???
Anyway onto the dream. So family did the classic "yeah btw this person is your aunt/cousin" as usual because this family is bigger than the sun, but said person that is my aunt came and it was fucking EMMA ESSEX, WHAT??? I got so happy internally I was like "weyfdttdwecycyywewewe" and my voice probably went up 5 octaves! I was still in Miss Sunshine's body so it didn't sound that different but I was just so happy!!!!
I talked to her about how much I love her music and how great she is and she was so kind and polite when she spoke to me, I felt so many beautiful feelings at once. I was also making music in the dream world so we heard some of that and she said she liked it. Bro if I ever make music in my life the reason is gonna be purely her!!!!
I wanted to ask her if we could collab because that would literally be the meaning of my life done but our sister wanted to show her some memes so we looked at memes and then I woke up. Btw have you noticed that just before you wake up people start repeating words in the dream or is it just me? Can't tell but before I wake up people start repeating words or phrases before waking up.


Didn't see it today, it was the same day as the last one but oh well, writing it now!! It didn't felt like my dream, and I saw it while being both Miss Sunshine and Hallu, but I decided to write it anyway!!
So basically I had a computer and Hallu updated his diary, and when I started reading it, he pretty much talked briefly about his trauma and his abuse... It wasn't fun!! It certainly wasn't fun!! It was mostly stuff related to... That but I don't know if he wrote more because I woke up before finishing it!! Mostly that, idk what else to add!!


... Okay what the fuck?? Absolutely what the fuck?? What the everloving fuck?? Again, didn't wanna write it, wanted to avoid and pretend that everything is fine, but we have a psychiatrist to talk to, you feel me??
So like I was Hallu again, and this time someone was torturing me... But like... LITERALLY torturing me, like I was tied to a chair and everything!! I wasn't just getting beaten up though, it was the full package, like I was also getting forced fed eggs and all that... Oh!! Oh what the hell!!
Is that what this guy sees, is that what happens every night?? Oh god!! Am I looking at his nightmares, is that what's going on?? I can't tell!!


I was with my sister and X1 and I think that were inside a ski resort, because everyone was wearing ski equipment and it had lots of snow outside!! Outside because we were inside in a café or something!! We were talking about many random things and overall having loads of fun!!
Eventually it was time for us to go, so I started running towards the door, but like, the childish way!! With saying "weee" and everything!! And then X1 called me cute and my sister agreed!! Yes, I woke up regressed after that!! Just... Is my brain giving me compliments now, omg thanks brain!! :) Please keep calling me cute, I love being called cute, even if don't understand why everyone says it!!


I... You know what, I don't care anymore!! Yeah, I saw shit again, but I'm not gonna react!! If I keep reacting every time it kinda loses its meaning so I just... Give up!!
So there was an entire place where they would torture people and of course, I was there!! I was tied down to one of those bed like things and there were random things around me, it kinda looked like a doctor's office!! Kinda like a surgeon's or a dentist's!!
And then of course the typical shit happened, laying down, that fucking bitch comes in, and then that happens!! I would appreciate it if life was just getting done with it, but NO!! It had to casually take it's time and all, to remind me that hey, you're gonna be SAed!! Luckily after a small while it cut to something else, so thank god I didn't see anything!! I really don't know why so many nightmares these days, but whatever I guess!! Life just doesn't like it when I sleep!!
Is this truly my nightmare?? Idk, it could be someone else's!! I've been seeing a lot of Hallu's nightmares recently so it could be that?? But it was me in the nightmare, not him though... Hmmmm!!
Also I remembered another one I had before this one!! I was asking my sister if she remembers being groomed, and trying to tell her the signs!! Man, I really wanna ask her now, I'm just anxious that she won't believe me!! Because at this point I 99% believe that I've been at the ABSOLUTE VERY LEAST been groomed!!


I said I wasn't gonna update until next session because I was too depressed and unmotivated to do anything, but... Today so far I'm fine I guess?? Well here are the dreams that I remember seeing these days:
The first one was me being forced to marry an old man, that for some reason looked a lot like my grandpa, what?? And we went outside to buy things for the wedding I think, in the dream we were buying at that moment shoes!! I wasn't doing anything, just staring outside into a house's window and dissociating... That's all!!
In another dream I was with Emma Essex, and apparently we were in a relationship and we broke up!! She looked a lot like Renard honestly, she was either shifting between the two, or wearing clothes that made her look like him!! We talked for a while and she seemed low-key mad at me, but also very sad!! For some reason I decided to tell her about Renard at one point (the alter) and there she got a little angry and said "hey, don't steal my OCs like that"!! I explained her that he's an alter and she said "oh okay then"!! After we talked a little more and she said that it was time for me to go, so I left... After that I woke up!!
And lastly, today's dream!! I was with my family at an airport!! Me and my sister argued a bit with my dad, but eventually we had to get into the plane!! In there, there were so much things that made you feel like you were underwater, that I assumed first glance that I was in a submarine for a moment!! At one moment, the plane started shaking, so we started to land, but when we started landing, someone said "we fell a meter" so they tried to land it literally anywhere!! Eventually it was so bad, that we had to land on the sea!! So we landed on the sea!! It started filling up with water, but luckily we could easily come out!! So we did!! After that I woke up!!