hi!!My journalhi!!

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Vibin

1/1/2022

Hey hey, everyone, happy new year!! I hope that you all are having a nice year!! I personally believe that 2022 will be a cool year because a coin inside a sweet said so!!
Well, where should I start: Well, new diary file (RIP the old one, will miss you!!), I decided to keep the appearance the same, because I have attachment issues with the old one!!
Also, while I'm at it, I remembered why I make two !! instead of one!! The answer is shaky hands!! As you can see, sometimes I do typos, such as replacing o with p and e with r, because my hands decide they want to start moving on their own!! Another thing I do is accidentally press something two times instead of one!! In the beginning, I was fixing it, but eventually I just gave up!! (Do you know how it's like to be a perfectionist and have that?? Thank god the suggested words exists on my phone!!)
I'm saying this, because idk if I should go back and try to fix everything, or just let it be because I'm too lazy...
Also, I saw that in my previous one I started writing at 9/1 instead of now, and I wondered why... Then I remembered that I lost my website for a while... Creepy, I don't want that to happen again!!
Anyway, even though I don't like setting goals for the new year, but I hope that I can answer these until next year... Such as: will this diary be for the whole year, or should I start making two, one for winter and one for summer?? can I stop thinking about university for once (just because everyone treats you like you're 18- and ignore that you are still a teen doesn't mean that you have to do the same to me brain!!)?? am I a copinglinker?? am I a pet regressor as well?? where do I swing?? (yes, we have many identity questions here!!) what should my artist name be?? what should I do in that live I'm planning to do (coming this year)?? what mental illness will I uncover this year (the fact that in 2020 I had GAD, and in 2021 I had GAD, social anxiety and ancraophobia, makes me scared about what I'm gonna find!!)?? what character should I cosplay as?? will I find the motivation to do weirdcore characters for that stpry I want?? are the nightmares done yet?? why does this decade feel so far like a long year (I still feel like it's 2020, can you believe that it's been 2 years)??
Well, only the future awaits!! Let's see what will happen!!
- Creator


11/1/2022

Oh wow, today is angel number day, damn!!
Well, these past days I felt kinda sick... Yes, it's exactly what you think it is, I got covid!! Well, in the beginning, my throat started hurting and I was feeling really weak and cold, and I did the self and rapid test and it showed negative results, but we did the more detailed one today, and it showed that I have it!! Honestly, thank god, because if I just relied on these, I would have to either a) force myself to go to school, even though I know that I wouldn't be able to do anything or b) stay home, with the crippling anxiety that I don't know if have saved enough days to skip school and study during the end of the year!! But luckily if you have it, you just need to bring a paper to school to excuse your absence, and boom, everything gone!! Thank goodness!!
So yay, but also not yay, because I'm unable to leave my room unless I have to go to the bathroom, and also when I'm listening to music and acting out my daydreams, my self goes from my room to the kitchen, so oof, I have to hold that (luckily I also have other ways, so that won't be a problem...)
I must say, I'm really glad that mom has left us for 2 months due to work, because now I can't infect her!! She's the #1 person that knows what to do when you're sick, but at the same time she's the #1 person that shouldn't be here right now!! I remember her being unable to leave the couch when she got vaccinated, so I believe that having her here while I'm like this is a bad idea!!
So far I feel pretty good, better than 2 days ago when I was just freezing and being so weak that I would just randomly fall asleep... Thank god I got vaccinated, because even though mom is #1 on the weak immune system leaderboard, I'm #2, and I don't feel like freezing more and having my throat be worse!!
Well anyway, I guess that I can have more time to be here, and do more stuff!! That's good I guess!!
- Creator
Update: I forgot to write that I also ate the classic Pringles instead of the salt and vinegar ones, and eating them while having a mild taste, and not something that makes my tongue regret why it exists for the next couple of days, feels weird!!


13/1/2021

Yaaayyy, it's 13 today!! Well, I would do something, but I really can't leave my room, I only left to take a bath, and that was pretty much it!! Okay, I tried also to do some datamosh, but I left it, mainly because there was something on the screen that wouldn't just be nice and leave, so I couldn't see much what I did... Also, I had to take that bath, so I didn't dp much anyway!!
Also, there's this picture of da comfort character, and I look it at times, just to check how I feel!! I love it, because I just project, and get a response!! Also, his expression is mostly neutral, so he can fit many emotions... But today he was judging me!! That means that I'm stressed about something... Well, I guess that's because at the end of this month 31/1 will be like "bonjour", but I kinda doubt that that's the case, because during 3/10, I felt pretty good... And 3/10 is worse in my opinion... Idk, I'll see!!
And because my mind was just thinking about sushi day, and watching weirdcore/dreamcore/nostalgiacore tiktoks, my brain decided to unlock all the gory nightmares I had as a kid... I mean, they are just two, but holy cow, that's not normal!! Also I watched a "I'm gonna scream the loudest I've ever screm" video on my recommended, and omg, I remembered the series "Rabbids Invasion"!! Idk, it feels so unreal to me that was a thing that actually existed in this realm, the whole series is like a fever dream!!
Also I learned that all the creepy stuff your brain does to you is mostly during the weekend... I then went all over the dates that my brain was like "but what if I just ruined your day", and omg, half of them were literally during the weekend!! I really don't know how to feel about this!!
Well, anyway, in 5 days it's My Melody's birthday, and I really wanna make a playlist based on her, because for some reason there's none on YouTube... Like what??
Well, that's pretty much it, I don't have anything else to say, I hope that you are all fine, and that you are having a nice day!! :)
- Creator


16/1/2022

Hi hi everyone!! How is everyone going?? Well, I got pretty obsessed with My Melody these days, so now I obsessively want a plushie of her so bad, my FBI agent worries why half of my search history is about her!!
But well, anyway, today I wanna write about... uuuuuhhhh... that... yeah... Yeah, it's that gore picture that I can't off my head since this morning!! Not because it shocked me so much, but mostly because I just felt that feeling that I haven't felt in some months... Also, I remembered some gorey nightmares I had as a kid, so I went "alright, let's talk about this!!" So yeah, this will be about gore, and I'll get into some detail, so if you wanna skip this entry, it's understandable!!

Ok, with that put of the way, let's start: So, I must say, the picture is not that graphic, it's just Uta being amputated, and My Melody being ripped in two (don't worry, there's stuffing inside!!) and Kuromi crying, trying to stop someone!! Ok, now that I wrote it, I really feel like I would dream this!! It fits so much with the other things I dreamt as a kid!! But anyway, that for later!!
Now, you see, there's not guts, no organs everywhere, nothing too much for me!! Not that means much anyway, because I can handle drawn gore, and I honestly kinda like stuff like candy gore!! So what happened here??
This situation reminds me of the second nightmare I had as a kid!! It was with Barbie and a prince, in a castle, and then suddenly Barbie fell, and she shattered into her limbs (one head there, one arm there), and then the prince got shocked, and he said "We must do something, you're gonna bleed!!" and then her head stood up, and she said "It's alright, I'm gonna drink it!!" and then it fell back, and the whole room flooded with blood... It was like the picture (no guts or anything), but unlike it, I actually got over it, and I'm fine now!! But if it's not that, then what is it??
Well, let's look at my first nightmare, shall we?? So in this one, we have Rinko from Jewelpet!! In this one, it was just some creepy bug body horror thing, and I must say... This is probably one of the reasons why I'm scared of bugs and can't handle body horror at all!! I'm actually so disturbed, that I didn't even describe this in detail!!
Well, you are comparing body horror to amputation, that's not exactly how it goes!! Yes, but I wanna point something out: I was a big fan of Jewelpet!! There were times when I would watch it in secret, because my parents wouldn't let me!! I LOVED Jewelpet!! I still do!! So, because of that, seeing this nightmare was extremely disturbing, creepy, unsettling, and all kinds of things!!
That's happening to me again right now, Onegai My Melody is my biggest comfort, because My Melody is so calmimg and soothing, she literally made me binge watch the entire season!! To me, My Melody is this pure being that will make me calm down and feel safe!! So now, seeing this, made me feel like my comfort was being violently destroyed in front of my eyes!! I really felt threatened by this!!
And that's what makes Sushi Day, or 31/1 so bad!! It's your comfort character ripping his organs out in 4K, and you can't stop looking at it, because your head refuses to!! It's that comfort being brutally destroyed and taken from you!! And that's how you go from a comfort character, to a monster that hides in the corner of your room, resulting in you waking up in the middle of the night to make sure nothing will attack you, and even having moments when you would cry because you don't wanna go to sleep because of this!!
And that's what makes me so worried about My Melody!! Because I want her to be this innocent, comforting being, not something that will keep me up at night!! I really want something comforting, things like these make me extremely upset!! I don't know what to do, I hope that it won't evolve like that!!

.... Okay, anyway, I thought something irrelevant, so now I have to say it: My man is literally the only one that is a dude in this whole gorey thing!! You go my guy, don't let those stereotypes get into you, dp what you love, go crazy!! *laughs while crying*
- Creator


19/1/2021

You know, these past three days I wanted to write about P, but for some reason I didn't, so here we are!!
So, I just did my usual tulpaforcing session, because dormancy do be like that, and after a while P started talking to me!! I must say... That was the first time I actually saw his real personality!! He's totally the 180 of what he was before!! Unlike the "nothing matters" "nobody matters" "maybe I should just off myself" P I knew, this one is really happy and cheerful!! He's also kinda quiet and shy now, and I'm like "Why??" I kinda wish that he would talk more, but maybe I should shut up, because last time I wished that, BOOM, the next day 12/3 happened, and yes, he was talking much more often, but he was really suicidal!! After a while, it affected me as well, and even it started affecting K (thank god he still stayed positive, because if he would become depressed as well, that would be a game over)!!
But now, everything is finally ok!! Everyone has now healed, and those 8 months of torment are finally over!! No more suicidal tendencies, no more panic attacks, no more unbearable intrusive thoughts, no more s/h, we can now rest!! Even though the method I used to get here was not the best, we're here!! That's what matters!!
I do not want to live those 8 months of my life ever again, and I do not wish them upon anyone!! Nobody deserves this, and nobody should go through this!! And with that, I can now live peacefully!!
- Creator


20/1/2022

Well, hello there!! I'm Miss Wannabe!! Idk if you get the reference... Well anyway!!
Good news, I'm starting to get better!! That means that tomorrow we'll go to do a test, and after that I'll be fine!! Mom also comes this Tuesday instead of February, and that makes me happy!! We won't have to wait another month for her to come back, yaaayyy!!
Also, these days I have regressed these days more than I did in my previous lifetimes combined!! I literally spent half the time in this room just regressing!! A little bit because I watched Onegai My Melody, a little bit because of what I was eating, but I think that it's mostly because I felt really safe and loved!! Like, holy cow, I have never been this happy while regressed!! I love it!!
Now that I think of it, I should write down some things about it, because I wanna get a clearer view of what my little age is... We'll get there eventually!!
In general I must say, these days were really nice for me, I loved them, I want things to keep going like this!! Everything is so great right now!!
- Creator


Despair